now I know why we're called the middle class

How does it feel to be squeezed, stuck in the middle between a rock and a hard place? Gas is up. Oil is up. Healthcare is up. Groceries are up. Tuition is up. And our income, well it's up too, but not so much. I just got my annual review (outstanding in all categories!) and my raise. Which was the maximum allowed, at 2.5%. I have no complaints about my job. And no complaints about my general income. It's just that it seems I'm losing ground all the time.

I make more each year, but my expenses always increase at about 3 times the rate of my salary increases. And I'm one of the truly lucky ones. I get the max amount of raise every time. And because my base is so high, the percentage actually means I get a measurable increase.

What the hell would we do if we made the median income for Baltimore City for a family? Right now, that median income is somewhere around $39,000 a year. 2.5% of that is $975. At 24 pay periods a year, that comes to $40 a paycheck before taxes. That doesn't even cover a tank of gas every two weeks. How will people live? What the hell happens to the local economy if the largest employer in the state is handing out 2.5% raises, leaving the bulk of their employees poorer than the year before?

Most folks are not sitting on large saving accounts. If they are lucky they have a house, with a mortgage, and a car, with a loan. For the last few years, people counted on home equity to cover them in a pinch. Now it is possible that their house is worth less than they owe.

So, if good economic times "lift all boats" as the Republicans like to claim, what do bad times do? Are we all gonna sink together? I'm guessing that yachts have life rafts....

everything has a price

We have entered the Age of Whores. Everything has a price. The answer to almost any question that begins "for a million dollars, would you...?" is a resounding YES.

WTF??? How did we get to this?

Parents are letting their 6 year olds participate in Ultimate Fighting -- for money. Pimp out their 12 year old daughters to commercials and TV, for money. Let a camera follow them around, as they behave badly -- for money. Sell pictures they shouldn't have taken in the first place -- for money.

Where is the outrage? Why doesn't this piss us off? Why do we watch the shows (and yes, we do, in astounding numbers) and buy the products?

It's not a crisis in faith. That's crap. I have none, and I try to lead an ethical life. It's not a failure to spend time with our children. We spend more time with our kids now than any generation before us. And yet, we have become an unethical society. We have become a nation for sale.

How do we fix it?

still a slacker....

Last night, we were talking about our term-papers. I mentioned that I didn't have a topic yet, but that it was fine, because it's not due for weeks... Bad move. Apparently, I am still a slacker. I am still of the mindset where I think it's hugely impressive that I actually show up for class. And do the reading.

Sigh. Really, I'm just not a "true" scholar. I am interested in stuff. Lots of different stuff. And I like to read a lot. But I hate being forced to focus, and research, and write an ordered, logical paper. I can do it, but I put it off as long as possible. I get distracted by more interesting articles than the one I am currently reading, on un-related topics that suddenly become fascinating to me. I have been known to switch paper topics two or three times before I'm done, often after doing quite a bit of the legwork. To work on one idea for weeks is a huge strain. I don't know how anyone ever writes a thesis or a dissertation. You have to focus for months, for years on the same thing.

I am going to go email my professor and see if any of the grab-bag of ideas I've got will make an acceptable topic.

the results are in: my week at home

Tomorrow is the last day of my vacation. On the whole, I prefer travel vacations. It turns out that I am not the kind of person who can just let go and relax. I need to remove myself from the phone, the laptop, the chores, the daily routine, since I apparently can't ignore it all.

This is not to say the week was without its pleasures. Baltimore has great food, and we tried to eat all of it. This week we went out to eat at least once per day. We went to Los Amigos for Mexican food, to Salt for high-end cuisine. We went to Dogwood, where we combined good food with doing good (Dogwood trains ex addicts, the homeless, ex cons, so they can find employment in the food service industry). We ate at Austin Grill, at Na Do Ji, at the Towson Diner. Oh, and ate crabcakes at Faidley's in Lexington Market (and yes, they are as good as they say).

We also went out a bit. We saw the Map exhibit at the Walters Museum, along with spectacular photos from the Hubble space telescope. We visited Cylburn Arboretum and the National Arboretum (in DC). We spent Easter with my family and my mother-in-law.

I saw a few movies: a documentary on the Amish called Devil's Playground, a terrible chop socky movie called The Five Venoms. I am seeing American Gangster tonight.

I read a few books. I particulary enjoyed Bastard out of Carolina, and Aunt Dimity and the Next of Kin. Yes, they have absolutely nothing in common, except that I enjoyed them.

Other than that: I cleaned the oven. I cleaned the fridge. I did laundry. Took my son for haircut. Got my hair cut and dyed. Went to the eye doctor. Worked (yes, I know I shouldn't have, but I really had to). Went to class. Did homework. Grocery shopped. Took the dog for walks, and played ball in the backyard with him. Paid bills. Cleaned out the junk drawer.

So, would I do it again? Yeah, probably. But I still think it's more relaxing to go away. Still any vacation is better than NO vacation, know what I mean?

do I have to separate you two??

I emailed the Democratic National Committee yesterday. I asked them to use their influence with Obama and Clinton to get them to STOP bickering and focus on defeating the Republicans. The problem is that neither one of them is willing to forgo their personal ambitions in order to present a united front in the election.

We have two promising candidates, and we could still lose to McCain, because our candidates are too busy tearing each other down to notice the opposition. A political analyst I saw on TV yesterday said that Clinton's only chance at winning is to "win ugly". That she can only come out on top if she pulls every dirty trick out of the bag to throw at Obama. If she does this, by the time the general election comes around, no one will have the stomach to vote Democratic. People will either stay home, sick of the whole process, or vote McCain.

Either way, we will lose out.

ruminations

I went to the optician today. First time in ten years that I have had my eyes checked. Ten years ago, I had Lasik, correcting my life-long nearsightedness. Today, I discovered that one of my eyes is now near-sighted again, and one is far-sighted. This is why my drugstore reading glasses were giving me headaches... So, in ten days, I will have bifocals. Okay, nice modern bifocals with no tell-tale line through them... but bifocals.

Tomorrow, I go to the salon for a color touch-up and a haircut. My hair is mostly white now, so the color is being provided by modern chemistry.

I feel the same age I always have. I really do. But bifocals and hair color?? Time is definitely passing, whether I want to acknowledge it or not.

vacation -- at home

This is a huge first for me. At 1pm today, I am on vacation, until 3/31. At home. I have never taken more than a day of leave unless I was going away. Financially, it just didn't make sense to travel this time. I was really hoping for a week in London, but between the sky high air fares, and the execrable exchange rate, it was impossible. Hotels equivalent to a Holiday Inn ended up being over $400 a night in London when you factor in how many dollars to a british pound.

So, what am I going to do with my time? I hope to catch a few gallery exhibits (Maps at the Walters, and a photography exhibit at the BMA), maybe go to the comics museum. Our son wants to go to the DC Arboretum, a place we had a wonderful visit to a few years ago. I have to go to class on Monday night. I'm going to putter. Get my hair cut. Get my eyes checked. Read some stuff.

We'll see if I like this "at home" kind of vacation, and whether I find it as relaxing as getting away.

a somber anniversary

Yesterday marked the 5th anniversary of the war in Iraq.

In those five years:
4000 US soldiers have died
over 20,000 US soldiers have been wounded
over 85,000 Iraqis have died
we have spent over $587 billion dollars on the war
the Iraqis have gone from 24 hours of electricity per day to less than 7 hours
we have destroyed countless schools, churches, temples, businesses, streets, bridges, marketplaces

Worth it? not by an kind of calculation known to mankind.

And so, I send a prayer for the dead and damaged. And a hope, however slim, that we learn something in this, and never ever repeat the mistake.

the "asking for it" defense

I am a little peeved. Okay, pissed, pissed, pissed. We just had a large juvenile trial here in Baltimore. A group of young teens was accused of dragging a woman and her boyfriend off of a city bus and beating the woman severely. A key to the defense was that the teens were black and the woman and her boyfriend were white. The defense argued that the boyfriend used the "N" word, and that the woman spit on the teens. And so they were "asking for it".

I am no legal scholar, but I believe there is not an "asking for it" rule. If you beat someone bloody, break bones in their face, it isn't okay because they were rude to you. Or nasty to you. If you were beaten first, if you were threatened with a weapon, you may defend yourself to the best of your ability.

But you don't get permission to severely assault someone who calls you a name, even an ugly name. And last time I checked, spit was NOT considered deadly force.

Not one defense lawyer, mind you, but five of them, came up with this strategy. They were not arguing mitigating circumstances. They weren't trying for a reduced penalty. They were arguing for "not guilty by reason of they was asking for it".

Now, the actual facts were in dispute. Maybe the woman did call them names. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she did spit on them. If she did, that would be very very wrong. And stupid, to boot. But in no way does that permit a group of children to drag her off a public bus and kick the living sh*t out of her.

The judge found the teens "involved", the juvenile equivalent of guilty. All the defense attorneys said they would appeal the decision.

What kind of message does this type of defense send to teens? They could have killed this woman, and apparently would have, if a bystander had not intervened. Asked if he felt bad for putting the woman in the hospital, one of the teens said "no. I don't feel nothin'"

I am afraid that's the truth.

life in the mom lane

I had an unusual experience on Saturday night. At 11:15pm, my son and I got in the car and drove to the local Gamestop. To stand in line. For a game. A pre-ordered game. Smash Brothers Brawl, for those of you who follow such things.

The store was full of boys and young men. There were 4 women: me, 2 other moms, and a girl who works at the store. There was one gamer girl, and one girl who came with her boyfriend and looked pissed as all get out about it.

There was a tournament going on to keep the kids occupied while waiting. My son did not participate, but clearly enjoyed watching and cheering and jeering. The tournament was won by a 9 year old kid, who beat several twenty year olds on his way to victory. There was a lot of smack talk. Lots of "you play like a chick" -- which produced outrage from the girl gamer who works there. Lots of free-floating testosterone and just general guy-ness....

There were punks (no really -- green mohawks, piercings, lipstick and eyeliner), jocks, skaterboyz, kids as little as six or seven, and a few sheepish looking grown men in the 30-40 year old range.

Every single one of them had pre-ordered the game. At the stroke of midnight, the cash registers started ringing. Each gamer went up to the register, produced their receipt, paid their balance and left with the game. The crowd was halved within 15 minutes.

Now, each one of those kids could have come in the next day and picked up their game. They probably would not have had to wait in line. And they were guaranteed the game if they picked it up within 3 days. But they all HAD TO BE THERE. They had to pick up that game the second they could.

Our son stayed up until 6am playing his new game. And said it was worth every second of waiting in the store.

And by the way, THANKS MOM!
so that is why I was at a game store instead of home in bed... for the thanks, and the grin that only a deliriously happy thirteen year old can produce.

Client 9

Oh, Eliot -- how could you? Eliot Spitzer, Mr. Clean, was a repeated client of a prostitution ring targeted by the FBI. Caught with his metaphorical pants down, his wife suffers, his kids suffer, and the state of New York likely loses its governor.

What was this guy thinking? He has made a slew of well-connected enemies over the years. He is a well-known public figure. Did he think that because he got an adjoining room in a hotel, and had the prostitute travel from New York to DC for his appointment, that no one would notice? Apparently, he thought the $4300 a night he paid would guarantee secrecy. What it mostly guaranteed is that he is an idiot.

What a disappointment! Another "champion of justice" topples over....

taking time out to hang out

This weekend was a wonderful reminder that it is important to take time out to just hang out. In the day to day grind, it is easy to lose track of yourself. You get immersed in the tasks at hand, focused on the next thing on the list.

On Friday, we got together for dinner with the parents of our son's two best friends. Over the last couple of years, we have become good friends in our own right. We ordered pizzas, cracked open a few bottles of wine, and just kicked back and relaxed. It was brief -- the boys were volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House and finished up earlier than expected. We had to all cut our evening short to go pick up the kids. But the time we did get was great.

On Saturday night, I went out with the Orkney Road Girls, a small group of women who all live on Orkney Road. We get together sporadically, a few times a year, for food and conversation. There is something comforting and relaxing in the company of other women. This is a late realization in my life. I always believed I really didn't like women all that much, and preferred to hang with the guys. I have a few close women friends that I treasure, but I always figured they were exceptions to the rule.

I have to make more time for this, and less time for stress and chores and work.

Gary Gygax, RIP

A big GEEK salute to Gary Gygax, who passed away yesterday. For those who aren't big ol' geeks, Gary Gygax was one of the creators of Dungeons and Dragons. While few adults play the original game anymore, many of us spent more hours of our adolescence and young adulthood than we would care to count playing D&D or one of its off-shoots.

We had a great time. And we made enduring friendships. We exercised our imaginations, extended our vocabularies, and occasionally learned stuff.

What more can you ask from a game?

a little sunlight and everything is better

I just took my lunchtime walk. I walked in bright sunshine. I felt 10 pounds lighter (I'm not) and ten years younger (ditto!). Monument Street is grubbily charming in the sunlight. People were everywhere. Walking, smiling, laughing, smoking, lunching, rushing. But out there in the bright light of day.

Joyous!

the universe has spoken

The universe has spoken. Our son did not get into Park School. He is fine, more than fine, with the news. He is happy where he is, and is happy to be staying with his friends at Baltimore Lab. He was a little put out, initially, but this was more from the blow to his ego than from the actual result.

I think my husband and I are having a harder time with it. We wanted that kind of experience for our son, and we wanted him to have those opportunities. I think we also wanted some tangible proof of his progress. Had he gotten in, we could have pointed to that and said "look how far he's come". He really has come so far, and accomplished so much more than we had hoped. But we have to trust our judgement on that, and not some outside third party, and we of course, are biased.

I think that we will look back on this and think it was a good thing. I think he's not done learning what Lab needs to teach him.

Still, its hard to take when someone rejects your child.

and we're worried about baseball?

A new study, released yesterday, indicates that 1%, yes 1%, of our adult population is in jail or prison. This is alarming. We spend more to incarcerate adults than we do to educate our children.

And what is Congress doing? Holding interminable hearings about baseball. I don't even know why this is Congress' business. Baseball should be policing baseball. If the sport is tainted by the use of steroids and HGH, ban players that test positive. Or come up with some policy to deal with the issue.

I think Congress could better spend its time looking at why so much of our population is in jail. Why is drug use and drug crime so high in the general population? Much more of a question than whether one dumb-ass pitcher lied to Congress. The great game of baseball is just that -- a game.

How about spending our tax dollars wisely, looking at issues that affect our lives?

this is weird, but true

Ok. I haven't been able to get my walking in for a few days. We had an ice storm, I am working on a deadline, yadda, yadda, yadda. But here is what is weird -- I really really find that I miss it. I have gotten used to taking a walk, and apparently, it has become a habit.

The creators of the 10,000 step plan say it takes about 21 days of daily repetition to develop a habit. And it's been, ummmm, about 21 days. So. I am a walker, now.

And there are benefits. My stress level is manageable, despite the looming deadline (Monday morning, 9am, http://www.nihandhopkinscme.org launches). And my knees, while painful, are much less debilitating than last winter. The more I sit at a desk chair, or at a table, or in a movie theatre seat, the worse my knees hurt. It's got something to do with keeping my knees bent at a 90 degree angle, which apparently my knees are not constructed to handle.

So now, I get up and take a walk "around the block" every hour or two. "Around the block" is a walk around the central concourse of my building at work. It's all indoor hallways, and is about 650 steps per lap. And at lunch, I walk the hallways of the hospital complex, which is much larger, and has windows to the outside. Once the weather gets warmer, I will be able to walk outdoors and my distance should improve.

Castro resigns

I know it won't change anything, but it is still a milestone. Fidel Castro announced his resignation today. He has ruled Cuba my entire life; the sole leader there for 49 years. I hope now that Cuba will make moves to become less isolated, give its people more freedom and access to the rest of the world.

halfway there

I am up to 5000 steps a day. That's 7 days a week, 2.5 miles per day. I don't know how much I will be able to increase that over the next few weeks. But that's okay. I have a little more than doubled my exercise. I can be happy just having made an improvement.

The same is true of the diet. I am eating significantly healthier. We are eating low-fat with lots of whole grains. I have lost 6 pounds, which is less than I expected at this point, especially in view of the increased activity. But. I LOST 6 POUNDS!

So I have 9 more pounds to go, and 5000 more steps per day to add to my routine. We will see how it goes. In the meantime, I am gonna bask in my accomplishment. As soon as I have some time.

happy valentine's day

A big valentine's day shout-out to my sweetie of more than 25 years!!! I ADORE YOU. I LOVE YOU. And even more importantly after all these years, I still like you.

And to all my beloved friends -- happy valentine's day to you too! I hope you and yours are just gobsmacked by love today.

support Obama, but voted for Hillary

I found myself really stuck yesterday. I went to vote, and I really couldn't decide. In the end, I voted for Hillary, even though I support Obama. I then selected six Obama delegates.

It was sort of a promise fulfilled. When I was a little girl, it was the first time that little girls were told they could be anything they wanted. Even President. And that maybe in our lifetime we would see a woman run for President. At the time, the idea was snickered at. "Ladies can't be President!"

Well, there was a woman on the ballot. A qualified woman. All things being equal, and they really really are, I felt I had to cast that vote. I don't think Hillary will be the candidate for President, although she might end up as VP. So I might not get another chance for a while to vote for a woman. I can't see Mikulski throwing her hat in the ring, I can't stand Pelosi, and I don't envision a republican getting my vote unless things change very dramatically in that party.

So, in honor of the little girl that I was, and knowing it made not one whit of difference to the results in my state, I voted for Hillary. It was a symbolic, albeit futile, gesture.

Now, GO OBAMA!!!

new approach to food

I have been dieting since Jan 10th, when I got back from vacation. To that end, we are eating "healthy" at my house. Low-fat. Whole grains. Lean meats. More fruits and veggies. I plan out the week's menus on Saturday, and shop on Sunday morning for the week. So far, it appears to be working. We have had some nice meals, a few flops, but no disasters. I don't waste as much food, since before I bought ingredients without much thought in mind, and often had a ton of produce to chuck out at the end of the week. Our groceries have been marginally cheaper, since I am only buying what we use that week.

On Sunday, I cook. A lot. Today I made peanut crunch bars for my son, and my steel cut oatmeal for the week. I cooked Bombay Curry for tomorrow night, along with roasted sweet potatoes, again for tomorrow's dinner. I made Pasta Arabiatta for dinner for tonight, and have leftovers for later in the week.

This week's menu: Pasta Arabiatta; Bombay Curry and Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Basmati rice and whole grain naan; Chicken Cashew and Ginger Broccoli; Haddock and homemade Mac and Cheese, again with broccoli; Chicken Piccata with Mushrooms and whole wheat angel hair pasta.

That leaves two meals where we eat leftovers, or go out, or get carryout. Not bad. Definitely an improvement.

I also have discovered a great new product: dry brown sugar. It pours like regular sugar. If a recipe calls for a half cup of packed brown sugar, you just pour out a half cup of this stuff instead. I *love* it. I always hated dealing with brown sugar; it always turns to a brick in my cupboard and I end up hacking away at it like a madwoman. They sell this in a bag, labelled as dry "brownulated" brown sugar. Awesome stuff.

what a super tuesday!

WOW! apparently more people turned out to vote yesterday than ever before. People were so excited that they arrived hours before the polls opened. They ventured out in snowstorms, through flooding, put up with long lines and bad equipment, all to vote -- in a primary.

I watched a lot of the coverage last night. I thought I had made up my mind to vote for Barack Obama, but now I am not sure. I found myself rooting for Hillary all evening, and being happy when states went for her. I don't know if it's because I thought she would do badly, and I have a tendency to root for the underdog, or because I actually prefer her for some reason. I do know that I would love to see a woman become president. I don't know if she is that woman, though.

I have a week to decide. Maryland's primary is next Tuesday. I am going to take off early from work, just to make sure I can vote. I am pretty excited about making some history. I'm either voting for a black man, or a white woman, and either way, that is hugely significant in the story of America.

goodfood

This week is restaurant week in Baltimore. This is a good, good thing. During restaurant week, participating restaurants offer either a $30 fixed price dinner, or a $20 fixed price lunch, or both. This gives folks a chance to try places they might not otherwise try, and restaurants a chance to lure new customers. This time, we went with friends to Brasserie Tatin for lunch. Oh my.

Salade verte, Confit a la canard, tarte tatin. A nice wine. Wonderful. I watched our son try pate for the first time. He wasn't wowed, but he ordered it and made a good try. On the other hand, he said his steak frites made up for every bad meal he had ever had, it was that good. Our friend was quite happy with the salmon and couscous with leeks.

The restaurant was really lovely, and we will definitely go back. So once again, Restaurant Week has accomplished what it set out to do; wooed us and won us with good food.

Obama Clinton, Clinton Obama

Makes no difference to me really, as long as its one of the two. I am enjoying watching history unfold. We will either have a woman as the Democratic candidate or a black man. Either way, historic and truly, truly wonderful. At the start of the campaigns, I listened to a lot of people say the country wasn't ready for a black president. The country wasn't ready for a woman president. The primaries are proving them wrong. Apparently we are ready. From the reactions of the voters, I would say we've been ready for a long, long time. There is a lot of pent-up frustration being released.

In our state, teenagers actually lobbied to be included in the primaries, if they are 17 and will be 18 by the general election. Lobbied to vote!! And thousands of these 17 years olds have registered. This is amazing to me.

As some of you know, I take voting very seriously. I have voted in every election since I was old enough to vote. And by every, I mean every primary, every general election, every local election. People fought and died for the right to vote. I feel like I honor their sacrifice every time I cast a ballot. And while I am often critical of the government, okay loudly and obsessively critical, I love America. As a citizen, it is my right and privilege, my absolute duty, to participate in the democratic process.

So take part in a little history -- vote Obama, vote Clinton -- vote!!

had to do a double-take on this one

I had to do a double take on this headline: W.VA May Offer Gun Training In Schools... I thought this had to be a mis-print, or maybe they meant something completely different. But no, it means exactly what it says. In order to increase the number of hunters in the state,because apparently they feel there is a shortage, West Virginia may add courses on gun use and safety to 7th-9th graders.

Because really, armed 12-14 year olds are really what we need more of in this country.

The proponents of the plan argue that the guns will be equipped with dummy ammo, and that knowing how to use a gun properly will reduce violence. WTF??? I think it will just help them get better at hitting what they aim at.

It seems to me that you would just make school shootings that much easier. Now you don't have to smuggle a bulky rifle in to the building, just a backpack full of ammo. And you will know how a rifle works, and how to hit a moving target.

Peachy. What are these people thinking?

incremental progress

I weighed in this morning. 141 pounds. While still way over my target, healthy weight of 128, it is 5.5 pounds less than I weighed in at on January 7th, when I started my new eating regimen. I have cut out almost all white flour, white sugar, white rice, white pasta from my diet. I am eating lots of fruits, vegetables and whole grains. My alcohol intake is marginal to non-existent. I still have a little chocolate, but like one piece at most...

I am still walking with the pedometer. I am up to 4000 steps a day, or roughly two miles of brisk walking. I was walking 2300 steps a day as part of my regular routine, so I have managed to squeeze another 1700 steps a day with not too much time or effort. I am not sure how much I can increase this, as time is now the big factor. To walk much more, I would have to carve a real chunk out of every day to devote to it.

Still, I am pleased with even incremental progress. I have dropped some weight, and have increased my activity. I'm cooking more and eating better.

a different view of things

Yesterday I attended a Web Accessibility conference put on by JHU. By and large, it was helpful, if a little disheartening. I came out feeling I have a ton of work to do on the websites I manage.

One workshop really opened my eyes to the difficulties of modern-day living with a disability. I attended one session where the two speakers were blind. It was in a conference room, with us and the speakers sitting at one of the big oval tables. They brought a laptop and had an LCD projector hooked up.

The presenters were experts with their laptops, experts at navigating software, and the web. Yet, there were periodic glitches in the presentation that were clearly frustrating for them and us. Imagine having to find a missing alt tag in an html document, without looking at your screen. Imagine trying to fill out an online survey, with a question that spans 5 columns and 50 rows... Imagine talking to a room full of people who are nodding their heads politely at your talk, but you can't see them doing that. Try to hand someone a business card across a 10 foot table, when you can't see them. It was humbling.

I have been bitching because I have to make a website 508-compliant, a website I didn't create and can't change too much on. It never really dawned on me what a huge difference such efforts make to actual people. In the last census, a third of Americans said there was a disabled person in their family. A third. Suddenly it seems worth the effort.

10,000 steps

I have been wearing a pedometer for a week. I am averaging 3000 steps a day in my normal day to day routine. This includes walking the dog, the tiny amount I walk during my workday, walking the half block and back to the parking garage, etc.

The next part of the program is to increase my step count by 20% each week until I reach the target of 10,000 steps per day. I had no idea how far 10,000 steps is, so I looked it up. It's 5 miles. So to be a non-sedentary individual, I need to either walk 5 miles per day, or burn 500 calories per day in active exercise. Neither appeals to me, but the walking at least seems achievable.

Of course, being the QUEEN OF ALL BAD TIMING, I have picked the coldest part of the year to start my exercise plan. I loathe the cold. Seriously. Truly. Deeply. So I believe I am going to look like a madwoman at work, trying to achieve 5 miles of walking by roaming the halls of my building so I don't have to go outside at all.

We'll see how it goes. Any improvement has got to be better than nothing, right?

GO Chargers, GO Packers

My team, the Ravens, isn't in the post-season, leaving me to root for other teams today. And in a complete luxury, I am watching, not 1 game, but 2! Yup, football from 3pm - 9:30 or so. I am rooting for the Chargers, because they are the underdog, I dislike the Patriots, and my brother lives in San Diego and it would make him happy for his team to win. I am rooting for the Packers because I really like Brett Favre, and I would like to see him win it all this season.

Of course, I would have been happier being in the position to root for the Ravens. Now that we have a new coach, maybe things will improve. If nothing else, I love that they hired Harbaugh. Because he is my age. And they keep commenting on how YOUNG he is to be a head coach. I LOVE IT!!! He is making me feel younger already.
He also has lips. Brian Billick did not have lips, a fact that always reminded me of the Muppets. I don't want to think of Muppets while watching football. So things are looking up already.

way to go, Viriginia!

We are a country at war. We are in the midst of selecting our candidates for president. There is serious economic turmoil going on. So, what is Virginia concentrating on? Trailer hitch testicles. Yup, those fake rubber testicles you see hanging off some trailer hitches. Apparently we need a law banning them, at least in Virginia. Because a dad had to explain to his daughter what they were, and was uncomfortable. "Well, see honey, that truck has BALLS!".... so the dad complained to his State delegate.

A serious issue, definitely needs the state legislature involved. Same delegate, by the way, who wanted to ban low-sitting trousers.... I'm glad he's concentrating on what's important.

SIGH.

long distance commuting

Yesterday, I did what I consider a "long-distance" commute. I left the house at 4:30am. I drove to BWI, catching a flight to Houston, TX. I took the underground inter-terminal shuttle (a teensy tiny 4 car metro, with each car capable of seating 4 people) about 1500 feet. It let me out in the basement of the Marriott hotel attached to the airport. I took two escalators upstairs, picked up my meeting badge and materials and went directly to the meeting room. The meeting was the Technology Summit of the Information Resources Group meeting of the American Association of Medical Colleges (yes, that is a mouthful). They split us into tables, assigned us topics and had us working all day in mini-groups and large groups on the assigned topics. We didn't even leave the room for lunch; they brought it in for us. At the end of the meeting, I went back down the escalators, back into the teeny tiny tram, up some escalators and back to the terminal. I caught my flight back to Baltimore, picked up the car and drove home. It was almost 11pm when I got home.

In all that time, I never was outside. I was in transit or at work so by my definition, it was the longest commute EVER.

the end of an era

Joe Gibbs has resigned as coach of the Washington Redskins. I have to say it makes me sad. While his last few seasons were less than stellar, he has had a wonderful career. And he is one of the true gentlemen of football. No yelling obscenities from the side lines, no bullying players or officials. Just quiet, gentle Joe, getting the job done.

Football could use a lot more like Joe Gibbs.

New Year, fresh start

Happy 2008! It's a brand new year, and that means a clean slate to me. Fresh start. It's like a shiny new notebook, nothing but blank pages and possibilities. I kicked it off with a vacation to the Outer Banks of NC. We stayed in a big house, with lots of nice stuff, with some of our favorite people. The universe provided a couple of picture perfect days, dolphins playing in the waves, beautiful nearly empty beaches. We ate to excess, drank a bit, talked a bunch, and relaxed a ton.

It was a wonderful opportunity to reflect on how damned lucky we are. We have good jobs, good friends, a nice house, a terrific child, time to take a vacation once in a while. Life is GOOD.

May the new year keep it rolling.

heeding the call

No, I'm not gonna be a minister, even if all my career testing says I should. But I am thinking of "heeding the call". I have had this vague, uneasy feeling off and on for the last year. I finally know what it is. It is the atheist version of the "call" -- I am being pressured by my own conscience to get off my butt and do something. The world is a mess, and I can no longer sit on my sofa and write checks, and feel I have done my part. I have to walk the walk, live the life, whatever. I have to find ways to inspire the good by doing good.

I don't have any idea yet what form this will take. It might be organized volunteering, or it might be a more chaotic individual effort. I figure that even if I only help one person, just one, the world is better off. Maybe I can start a movement, the "Just One" movement. If everyone takes on just one project, or just one person in an effort to make things better, it will actually GET better.

What do you think???

Merry Christmas!!!

Happy Holidays! The Winter Solstice has come and gone, but there is still time to celebrate the season. So gather round the hanukkah bush, genuflect before Elvis, do whatever floats your boat... just ENJOY!!!!

holiday time at the office

I absolutely LOVE holiday time at the office. I also hate it a little bit. I get very little work done, and I have a lot of work on my plate, so that's the hate part of it.

But the love part, that's special. At this time of the year, everyone is nice to everyone. It is cheerful, and the halls are filled with the sound of laughing, joyful people. We have solid holiday traditions in place, and everyone looks forward to the rituals.

We have a Christmas breakfast. We used to cook it ourselves, but since we don't have a kitchen and there are now 38 of us, we have it catered. We decorate a meeting room, have holiday music, and play the White Elephant game. Each person who wants to play brings in a wrapped gift costing around $20. We place all the gifts on the table. Then we each get a number assigned to us, representing our turn in the game. The first person unwraps a present. This present is now in play. The next person can unwrap a new present, or "steal" from the first person. Gifts get stolen back and forth, sometimes changing hands 4 or 5 times, with a ton of laughing and joking thrown in. If you have a gift stolen from you 3 times, your next gift is "safe" and can't be taken from you. It is amazing to see the various strategies that people employ in such a simple game.

We have Secret Santa for 12 days. Small gifts, ideally around a dollar, appear in your office or your mailbox for 11 days, and then a big gift at the breakfast, when you try to guess who your secret santa was. People are amazingly creative, and really enjoy sneaking around and coming up with artful ways to hide their identity.

There is also a holiday party for the office, hosted by the boss. Usually this is at his home, with lots of catered food and an open bar. It does wonders for office morale to do shots of tequila with the boss. This year, his house is being renovated, so we are going to Little Italy for a 3 hour "lunch".

Lest you think we are all about us at the holidays, we also adopt a family from the University's charity drive. This year we adopted a grandmother raising 6 grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild. She is confined to a wheelchair, and the whole family lives in a two bedroom apartment in East Baltimore. We hosted a party for them, complete with tree and Santa. Then we sent them home with 5 bags of groceries, a tree with ornaments and lights, wrapped gifts for Christmas morning, and a few hundred gifts for the kids and grandmother to open on the spot. Our office elves shopped and wrapped presents for a week. We also baked treats for the party, made sure each child got a winter coat and mittens, hats and boots, and video-taped each child with Santa. It was truly special. The grandmother kept saying it was the best Christmas they had ever had. What I don't think she got was how great it was for us!

It really is a wonderful time of year!

drum roll please

DONE!!!

my deadline looms

I started this paper early. I really and truly did. I gathered my sources, I read all the books, and now it is due tomorrow. AND I only have half the thing written. How the hell did this happen? I have made less progress than if I had stuck to my tried and true method and not started until today....

I have taken the day off tomorrow. Hopefully with a few hours tonight, and the bulk of the day tomorrow, I can finish up. There is no option to turn this sucker in late. We have to give oral presentations tomorrow night [no, I don't have that ready either]... Maybe I should use my son's methods for the presentation -- make lots of handouts, and give out candy. It worked for his 8th grade english class book report...

Wish me luck!

Thanks, Sally

Sally Smith, founder of the Lab School of Washington, passed away yesterday. I never met Sally, but I mourn her loss. In 1967, Sally Smith's son was diagnosed with learning disabilities. She was told he could be educated with the retarded, or with the disturbed. She came up with her own option, and started a school for bright kids with learning disabilities. She made up her own methods as she went along; these have since been duplicated all over the world. Her philosophy was that all children could learn, and it was up to the adults to figure out how to make that happen.

I owe her a tremendous debt. My son is learning disabled. He's bright. And in 2003, there were still almost no options for educating him. Luckily for us, Sally's idea in 1967 had grown, and a new school, Baltimore Lab, was expanding. Our son has thrived there, turning into an educated, confident young man. He went from barely reading, to reading far in advance of his grade level. He couldn't learn to subtract in his previous school, and now he handles pre-algebra with relative ease. I don't think I will ever understand how less homework, fewer tests, almost no structure and what seems to be very little work produces these results. It is akin to magic in my mind. All I know is it does work, and I am forever grateful to Sally Smith.

going old school

Today our son had a shadow day at Archbishop Spalding school. For those not involved in the private school admission process, a "shadow day" is a day spent with a student of the school, attending classes with them, eating lunch in the cafeteria, along with a short interview and a writing sample.

We also had our parent interview the same day.

The school was very old-fashioned. I felt like I had been transported back to my high school. Cinderblock painted walls, ugly dark hallways, joyless students slumped over desks... GRIM.

Our son hated it. I was glad he didn't like it. I must be raising him right ;-)

Learning theory has come along way. Architectural design has made leaps and bounds. Work is no longer factory based/ So why are there still this factory style schools, churning out people whose main asset is the ability to sit at a desk for long periods of time?

Ugh.

poking procrastination in the eye

I am poking procrastination right in the eye. I have my paper topic approved, and it isn't even due for two more weeks. I bought my first xmas present today, and it isn't even close to xmas (by my reckoning). WOW!!!!

This isn't me. I wait until the very last minute, using that good old panic sweat as fuel. I can't seem to get moving without the jolt of adrenaline added by the fear of blowing a deadline.

So why the turnaround? I think I am just panicking early....

application is in the mail

Our son's high school application to The Park School is in the mail. I have very mixed feelings about it. I want him to get in, if it's the right place for him. It is a lovely school, with the right values (i.e. mine). It is the kind of opportunity I want to provide. But. Is it right for my child, or is it right for me? Am I setting him up for success, or for failure? He would fit in, socially. He is certainly smart enough. But are his skills up to it?

Oh well. It is now out of my hands. We will see what happens.

a grateful heart

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I have had a great year, and I'm approaching the holiday with a grateful heart. I give thanks for my wonderful husband, a terrific son, friends who enrich my life, a good and challenging job, interesting classes, amazing in-laws, a healthy new niece, a strong new connection with my brother.

I am truly lucky, and grateful for all of it!!

steeped in evil

It is the beginning of the holiday season, and I am steeped in evil. It is term-paper time. My tentative title is "A Candle in the Darkness: The Treatment of Evil in Literature". We have to cover all twelve works we read this semester, and discuss the treatment of evil, and posit our own theories. We also have to use at least 5 outside sources.

So every night I read a little evil. So far, I have read People of the Lie, The Roots of Evil, and am working through The History of Hell, and Evil, Ethics and Literature. It is amazing how a scholarly treatment of the subject can suck all the life out of it. Evil should be fascinating. It should be the car wreck you can't turn away from on the highway. It should be the thing you know is waiting in the dark basement. The poised snake, waiting to strike. It should not be dull.

It should be exciting enough to write a 18-20 page paper in the next three weeks.

the expanding universe

I am enjoying watching my son's universe expand. This weekend he went with friends to Anime USA, an anime convention in Virginia. While there, he bought himself some jewelry (!) and some art (!!). Neither of these things has been on his horizon before. He is starting to be cognizant that clothing says something about you. It is a kind of social shorthand. And he can express his taste and interests through jewelry and art.

On Saturday he went to the con with several other teens, one of the kids' mother and her boyfriend. Today he went with a girl he "likes" and her mother. He navigated both social settings quite well, something he would not have been able to do even two years ago.

He is starting to find himself, and is beginning the journey of separating from us. It is a real pleasure to watch. It is more subtle than the excitement we felt when he started walking and talking, but it is no less momentous, I think.

And sweet.

Coveting

Coveting is probably not good for the soul, but god help me, I COVET this:




This is from datamancer.net and if you haven't checked out his site, you really should. He is a craftsman, and has created a number of gorgeous items in the steampunk genre.

If I won the lottery, I would buy everything he has for sale. I really truly would. Daily objects should be things of beauty.

thirteen is not a man

Okay, this is for all the lonely teachers out there. Thirteen is NOT a man. You may feel affection for your thirteen year old student. It is only affection. It is not LOVE, not lust. You are NOT soulmates.

The teacher that ran off to Mexico with her 13 year old student was just fired from her job. Before now, she was on administrative leave, despite having crossed state lines with a 13 year old boy.

I admit that this whole story hit a sore spot with me. I am the mother of a thirteen year old boy. I have spent thirteen years protecting him, watching out for him, warning him about strangers, when I apparently should have been telling him his teachers are DANGEROUS. Seriously, as my son has gotten older, I have started to relax. I assume pedophiles like kids that look like, well, kids. So as my son matures, I have begun to think he is "safe" from this sort of creep. And then another thirteen year old gets abused by a teacher.

Enough is enough.

public vs private education

A neighbor stopped by last night, to let me know about a community project. Our neighborhood is adopting the local elementary school, Govans Elementary. We will be purchasing much needed supplies from a wish-list each teacher provided. In my case, this means baby wipes, disinfectant wipes, and sweat pants (I have a pre-K classroom for this time).

We are doing this for complicated reasons, many of which come down to guilt. We don't send our children to Govans. Almost exclusively, the neighborhood children attend private schools in the area. Govans is a poor, urban elementary school, attended mostly by the children in the adjoining neighborhoods.

Most of us feel bad for abandoning the public school system. We "believe" in public education, we feel it is important, but we don't act on our belief, at least not in the form of putting our children into the school. And we realize that pulling our kids out makes the system weaker. We are involved parents who truly care about our kids getting the best education, i.e. we are exactly what the school needs to improve. The new principal of the school, when asked what the neighborhood could do to help, was pretty succinct. "Send your kids here."

If it were that simple, I would cheer. But. The school is terrible. It isn't working for the kids who are there now, and it wouldn't work for my child. I am unwilling to sacrifice my child's best interests for my principles.

So how do we get to the point where the public schools are good, and we don't need private schools to fill the gap? One of this country's greatest strengths is our free education, available to all children. It weakens us when we have a two-tier system, with good education for those who can afford it, and a poor education for everyone else. We need people with skills, with knowledge, in order for our country to thrive. How did we mess it up so badly? or has it always been this bad? and how do we fix it??

out of the blue

In the last couple of weeks, I've heard from two people that I had lost touch with. Oddly, I worked with both of them, at the same company, years ago, but heard from each separately and independently. I love this sort of "out of the blue" experience. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to know I am remembered.

I am also one of those people who look for patterns in things. So when I hear from two folks I knew in connection with each other, I see a pattern and wonder -- what is the universe telling me? Maybe nothing. Maybe things just line up that way some times, but I doubt it. I tend to think that the universe reveals itself (god, that sounds new agey as hell!) in bits and pieces, fits and starts. And so I watch, I listen, and hopefully I learn.

Choose civility

I LOVE THIS!!! Howard County has started a Choose Civility program, to encourage people to be more civil toward one another. I hope this catches on. I feel the breakdown in manners has been a real detriment to society.

A book by a Hopkins professor that I hope becomes a huge bestseller:
http://www.amazon.com/Choosing-Civility-Twenty-five-Considerate-Conduct/dp/0312281188

the older student

I am an "older" student, even in grad school. This hit home last night on two fronts. On one, I got a B on a paper, and was incredibly upset. The grade was fair, even generous, given what I turned in; it's just that I am used to As, expect As and really don't want to settle for less. I was not like this as an undergrad. I wasn't even like this in my 30s. I think more of myself now than I did then. I am smart, I am capable, and there really isn't any excuse for a B.

The 2nd front came in the form of an anecdote. My professor was on a tangent about gardening. Then she talked about how, the second you turn 50, you get that mail from AARP asking you to join, showing happy old people gardening. Then she looked around the room and said, "of course, none of you are anywhere near 50..." Ummm, yeah, right. I am at least 10 years older than the nearest person my age in the room... And am much closer to 50 than I like to think.

So, why aren't there more older students? is it because education has increasingly been seen in terms of career goals, and nothing else? if it can't get you advancement, should you skip it?

For what it's worth, and despite the difficulties, my B paper notwithstanding, I highly recommend going back to school. Do something different. Shake up your ideas and your life. Take Art, take music, hell take accounting if it floats your boat. Just go to school, so I can have some creaky, old company.

I need people

I need people, as in "I have people for that"... to give you an idea, this is my weekend:

I took my son to the Independent School Entrance Exams. I waited with him and tried to cheer him up until they took him in the room. Then I took the car to the dealer for its 75,000 mile service, and to get a new seat-belt (Largo ate through the other one). And a new battery. Then I drove back to the school, getting there just in time to pick up my son. Then I dropped him at home and went to the bank to deposit a check. I read my book for school for Tuesday night (Candide). I answered email from work. We went out to dinner with friends (Taste restaurant, very very nice evening). On Sunday, I went grocery shopping. I took videos back, bought Halloween decorations, went to PetSmart and got food for the dog. I hard boiled eggs and cooked some chicken breasts for later in the week. I did 5 loads of laundry. I cooked a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. We went to the Park School for an Open House/Tour. I checked in and answered work email. I ran the dog around the back yard for 20 minutes.

I'm tired. And oppressed by the things I left undone: bathrooms to clean, kitchen floor to mop, I haven't filed or put away paperwork for months. My dust bunnies are HUUUGGGEEE, with nasty fangs.

No seriously, I could use a few people to run my errands, clean my house, organize my paperwork. A simple Victorian staff of 2-3 would do it, I think. Or one horribly efficient butler...

it's not magic

I am working on some programming. It sounds fairly simple: create a bunch of custom documents for each of our speakers for a course and email them a packet. But a speaker can be a guest, or staff (different set of documents for each), some documents have to be merged on a per talk basis, some on a per speaker basis, some of the documents are compound docs (page 1 merges with speakers, page 2 -4 have to repeat for each talk, the last page is static, etc).

So I have a process that: merges to word, breaks apart the merges by speakers or talks, shoving the now individual docs into a folder or each speaker, then converts docs to pdfs, then makes multiple pdfs into single pdfs, then zipping contents of each speaker's folder, then attaches and emails with a customized email to each speaker and then cleans up after itself.

So, I have users wondering why this took so long to create, others that are like "thanks - can we change this 1 document here so that it does x?" etc.

I want someone, anyone, to recognize what a huge challenge this was, and how f***ing amazing I am for coming up with a solution at all. We have gotten to the point where they just expect me to solve everything, and so take my efforts for granted.

Like I wave my hands, and MAGIC -- we have new code.

what do we want our government to do for us

This topic came up in the car, on the way to doggie daycare (!). My son was telling me about a girl at his school, Gemma Frost. Her brother is the twelve year old student who testified before Congress about the sCHIP program (children's health insurance). For those of you not in the Baltimore area, you may not be aware that the Frost family has experienced an avalance of hate mail, invasion of privacy, threats, etc. since speaking up for the continued funding of the program

My son was horrified that this was even an issue. He felt all kids should have access to medical care. Period. I agree. So we started talking about what a government should do for its citizens, and why people would be angry at the Frosts. The anger is that many people feel insurance is a purely private thing; if you want it you buy it, and if you can't afford it, go without. And the Frosts are not poor. They are not rich, but they are not poor. They make ends meet, they own their own home, their children go to private schools (on scholarship, btw). But they are self-employed and do not get health insurance through an employer. Bottom line, they applied and were approved for the SCHIP program. Should they be homeless so they can buy insurance? Should they pull their kids out of their schools and put them in public school to make people feel better?

My argument this morning was that we have to decide what we want government to be, and to do. I feel that the government should protect the most vulnerable among us: the poor, the disabled, children, the elderly, because how we treat these people is what we are as a society. We are a well-off country that spends more on war than we spend on these vulnerable citizens.

So, what do you want from government? what kind of society should we be? and how do we get there?

avoiding my paper

So, I am supposed to be writing my paper for class. Right now. I have my books, I have my notes, I have my trusty laptop. And I am blogging. Writing to avoid writing. As usual, I changed the topic of my paper at the last second. I was going to write on Euripides Electra, but the play *sucks* -- the Greek tragedy equivalent of Atlas Shrugged. Lots of long speeches that interrupt the action so that the POINT can be hammered home.

So now I am writing on Christopher Marlowe's Doctor Faustus. Much better. But I keep getting distracted by the background stuff. Like there really was a Doctor Faust, and there was this book: The History of the Damnable Life and Deserved Death of Doctor John Faustus. It came before Marlowe's play, which came before Goethe's Faust, and so on. And Marlowe was a spy for the Queen. He was stabbed to death at age 29, maybe assassinated. And the play was published posthumously and probably was written as part of a team. A few years later, another edition was published with another 676 lines added, supposedly by Marlowe, but probably not.

So, writing about the theme and structure and the Evil in the play doesn't seem that interesting right now. Oh yeah, I also have to prepare a ten minute talk on my paper to present on Tuesday night. Did I mention this is all due Tuesday?

And I have to leave the house at 5:30am on Tuesday, so I can drive to NIH for a 4 hour meeting, then drive back to the office and work, and then go to class and turn in my paper.

And I got myself into this in the first place, because I like school. This is all voluntary. I don't have to do it. I should have my head examined.

how others see you

I was thinking last night about how others see me. In talking with a classmate, it was clear that she felt I was outgoing and confident. Stunned, I told her I sat through 4 years of college without ever raising my hand. And that not one of my professors would even remember who I was. She said she couldn't believe that was true.

Yet it was. I really did. I was afraid to answer questions, afraid I might seem stupid, afraid I might seem too smart, afraid I was uncool, unpopular, unliked. Mostly just afraid to be myself. I don't remember when it shifted, and I have always assumed that I still appear that way to others, even though I don't feel that way inside.

Is it age that makes you more you? is it experience? Is it that way for everyone? or is it just me? I know I feel like I haven't changed in decades. My "mental self" seems pegged at 22. I have to do the math in my head sometimes to remember how old I am. Yet something unquantifiable has changed; there is a difference in there somewhere. What would it be like, I wonder, if for one fleeting moment, you could see yourself as others see you?

blog about the environment

Nature is my religion, as much as I have one. I feel a sense of connectedness with the world when I am outdoors. I don't have a church. I don't believe in God, at least not the Christian one I grew up with. But I do love and appreciate the world we live in. I love the rivers, the mountains, the trees, the oceans, the creatures that share the planet with us.

I love the sounds and smells, wet raw earth, the air after a thunderstorm, the way warm wood smells different than cold, the trickle of a stream, the wind through the trees, waves crashing on shore, the salty odd smell of marshes.

This planet is a treasure, a museum, a great work of art. However you view it, it is irreplaceable and it is priceless. Try treating it that way.

Congratulations, Al!

I was stunned to see Al Gore awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I think his efforts to educate the planet about global warming have been magnificent, and hopefully not too late. I just thought it was something of a stretch to connect it to Peace. However, in reading the comments from the committee, I agree, it is about Peace. It is about bringing the planet together, not for war, or for commerce, without special interests, to do something together about a problem that affects us all.

I am so pleased to see Al Gore rewarded for doing good. Too often, we see people garner attention for doing all the wrong things. It is a blessing, at least as a parent, to see someone rewarded richly for doing the right thing. Makes my job easier, when I tell my son to do what he loves, and not worry about profit. Gore seems happier than he ever was running for office. His income has soared, he is respected internationally, his ideas get attention, and he looks like he is having a blast. He is doing what he believes in and it shows.

Congratulations, Al, and keep at it. We need to hear it.

reading

This weekend, I read: King Lear by Shakespeare, and Forfeit, by Dick Francis. Guess which one I enjoyed more? If you said Shakespeare, you were way way off. I love Shakespeare, generally, but Lear is one of my least favorite plays, I think because I really don't like anyone but Cordelia, and she doesn't do or say much. I think I have read almost every single Dick Francis, and enjoyed every one. Can't name a single character, the plots are often interchangeable, and they deal with horse racing, which I know very little about. But they are a fun read.

There are books that I think I ought to like, or ought to have read, because they are considered classics. Literature with a capital L. And then there are things I absolutely should NOT enjoy, like comic books, that I thoroughly do. As I get older, I get more comfortable with the thought that I am not as sophisticated as I once thought I was. My tastes are just what they are -- and sometimes that means I am shallow, superficial or just plain brain dead.

we don't torture

We don't torture people here in Amurrriccca. We slap, simulate drowing, waterboard, sleep deprive, use sensory deprivation, force prisoners to endure freezing temperatures. But we don't torture.

According to our beloved leader (the Shrub), we just interrogate, and we get some pretty darned good information too.

Thank god the government is there to keep us safe. I am so happy they are willing to act like a third world dictatorship if need be, just to make sure the bad guys don't get me. I sleep so much better knowing there is no depth this administration will not sink to in order to "protect the people".

Whatever happened to decency? Whatever happened to the idea that the ends DO NOT JUSTIFY the means??

Americans are prudes

Americans are prudes -- about money. It really is the last taboo in our culture. You can go on Dr Phil and spill all the details of your sex life, or discuss all your mental health problems. People go into great depth and detail about private medical procedures, what got cut where, added, nipped, tucked. But money? No way.

Think about it. You probably guess at what your colleagues and co-workers get paid. You thumbnail the neighbor's income in proportion to your own. But you don't know. Because it is the one private thing in our entire culture.

I wonder why? What's the big secret? Are we afraid of being seen as bragging? Or are we afraid we aren't measuring up? Do we fear envy? Do we think people will judge us harshly?

I was thinking about it the other day. We may try to apply for financial aid for our son's schooling. But I am uncomfortable with having to disclose our finances to strangers. And that's weird. I am, as people who know me will attest, not usually uncomfortable about ANY topic of discussion. And still, the idea bugs me more than if I let strangers rifle through my underwear drawer. How odd is that?

So, ideas? Why the cultural taboo? Are there good reasons for it?

picking schools -- how do parents decide?

We are thinking of mainstreaming our child for high school. Currently, he is in a very good private school for bright kids with moderate to severe learning disabilities. He has made phenomenal progress since he began at the school. But.

The school is very successful at placing kids in college. Our concern is that our son will be totally unprepared for the transition, and while he might get in, he won't succeed there. I also am feeling like he is not being challenged academically where he is. And some opportunities are just non-existent or limited. The school has 130 students in grades 1-12. They offer just two computer courses (tech 1 and advanced tech), our son's biggest interest. They can offer very little in the way of clubs, sports, electives. And socially, his entire grade is about 30 kids, most of whom he has known since 4th grade. This means he has very close friends, and knows everyone, but it also limits meeting new people, moving from one social group to another, experimenting with who and what you are (like being from a really small town).

On the other hand,he is thriving where he is. And his learning disabilities are still there. He reads at a 12th grade level, but writes at about a 3rd/4th grade level. His vocab tests out as post-graduate, but his spelling is in the 2nd grade range. In math and science, he is about where an average 8th grader is... He still has motor skill issues, goes to occupational and speech language therapy once a week for intensive services.

So how do we decide what to do? We are at a break point, as far as deciding. If he is going to another school, we must apply by December 1 of this year, or not at all. The schools have openings for 9th grade, but waiting lists for grades 10, and no admissions for 11th and 12th. We would have to go through the testing process, the shadow days, everything by the end of November.

Its a huge decision, one that can affect the next 4 years, and potentially his whole life. How the hell do we decide? What's best? What if we are wrong?

save the cheerleader, save the world

We have a brand new addiction at my house -- HEROES. This is some of the best TV I have EVER seen. We bought Season 1 on DVD, and have been watching it in 3-4 episode sets. Even if you are not a "TV person", this is worth a look. And if you like comic books, sci-fi, fantasy, mysteries... I think you'll love this. You definitely need to see all the episodes though, and in order. The show isn't linear, so some episodes would make no sense whatsoever, unless you had seen the previous ones.

Hiro Nakamura is one of my favorite characters of all time, all genres.

Watch it, and tell me what you think.

the Jena 6

I told someone recently that I thought we had moved beyond the point where race was a deciding factor. The context was the presidential election and Barak Obama's chances. In view of the activities in Jena, Lousiana this week, I am now less sure aobut my statements.

The facts are few in the case. A black student at a high school asked if it was okay for him to sit under the white's tree in the schoolyard. An administrator said he could sit wherever he wants. In response, some kids put three nooses hanging up from that tree, to show what they thought about the idea. Adminstrators called it a harmless prank. Racial tensions ran high. A few black students beat up a white student. The injured student was treated in a hospital and released. Six of the black students were arrested, and initally charged with attempted murder. The charge was reduced to aggravated assault.

One student has now been in jail for over 6 months. He was charged as an adult, and couldn't post bond.

The six kids should be disciplined for the fight, beyond question. I think that's fair. And maybe juvenile court is the appropriate venue for adjudicating this. However a lot of things were not done or done poorly in this whole incident. Nooses from a tree in the deep South can never be seen as a harmless prank. The memories run too deep, the scars are too recent, to see this as anything but a racist threat. However, the threat came from kids, stupid kids, but kids. And the reaction came from kids, maybe frightened, but definitely angry, kids. So what we really have is a fistfight between kids erupting out of a highly charged atmosphere.

And then we have a prosecutor who has taken this to a whole other level. No weapons were used in this fight, the kids were all under eighteen, and all in an emotionally charged situation. To bring adult charges, and serious ones at that, into this is wrong. And I can't see a reason for it except racism.

On the news last night, I saw a Jena resident being interviewed. He said there was no reason for all these people (protestors) to come to his town. He said they weren't racists, didn't have a race problem. And maybe he doesn't. But why does the town have a "white's tree"? and why did three kids come up with the idea of hanging nooses? There is more trouble there than they want to look at in the daylight, I think.

So free the Jena 6. And bring in some counselors to talk to all these kids before it gets worse. Remind them that teenagers are supposed to hate adults, not each other.

one of the greatest lines ever

From Les Fleurs du Mal by Baudelaire, translated:

I am the vampire of my own heart

Isn't that awesome? I infinitely preferred it to the other translation we read:

I am my own heart's vampire

the first just sings, doesn't it?

reading list for this semester

I am taking a course in Evil this semester, focusing on Greek Tragedy through Gothic Tales. The reading list is amazing, although very heavy for 12 weeks of school.

Here it is:

Agamemnon, Aeschylus
Medea, Euripides
Othello, Shakespeare
King Lear, Shakespeare
The Wild Duck, Ibsen
Candide, Voltaire
Frankenstein, Shelley
Wuthering Heights, Bronte
The Picture of Dorian Gray, Wilde
William Wilson, Poe
Rappacini's Daughter, Hawthorne
The Turn of the Screw, James
and poems by Shakespeare, Poe and Baudelaire

Yes, we have to read and discuss all of them. In twelve weeks. And we have two papers, one 8-10 pages, and one 18-20, both with oral presentations.

I think this may be the last r&r type weekend I can indulge in for a while. But I have to admit, this stuff jazzes me. I am looking forward to a great semester.

such a geek

I am such a geek! I just walked over to Staples and bought school supplies, for me. I still get tickled when I buy school supplies, just like I have every school year of my life. I got a new notebook, an accordian file thingy to put the notebook in, and new pens. There is something so enticing about a new notebook, with all those blank pages. It's all potential, all possibilities. And new pens, almost an invitation. In a month, it will be a mess, with papers stuffed everywhere, horribly cryptic notes that seemed really important at the time, odd doodles that probably reveal way too much about the state of my psyche, food stains, tea stains.

But today, today everything is fresh and new and ready for whatever comes.

through the wringer, again

As some of you know, my parents have been going through divorce proceedings. They have been married, mostly miserably, for 46 years. My father is 68. My mother is 75. The last few months have been extremely stressful. My brother, sister and I have been caught in an emotional wringer since May.

Today my mother called me, to tell me the "good news". My dad is moving back home. The divorce is off. I'd like to slap them both silly. Mom was disappointed that I was not overjoyed. My father is looking forward to us all being a family again.

I have very mixed feelings. On one hand, I feel immense relief. I am off the hook. I don't have to worry what is going to happen to Mom, and I can stop calling her every week. She can stop calling me at work. She isn't going to slit her wrists or drop dead of a heart attack, or get locked in the loony bin. She can be Dad's responsibility and his headache.

On the other hand, I am furious. This is the third time I have been through the parental reconciliation routine. Each time I find out more than a child should know about their parents. Each time, I am supposed to forget everything that has happened and go back to the myth of the "happy family". And I am so tired of the pattern. My parents are bad together. They are unhappy and it shows. They pick at each other mercilessly and it is unpleasant to be around. Each time we have been through this I have lost more respect for the both of them as people, and have locked away a little bit more of my emotion and my trust.

I just don't think I can go through all this again. I don't think I can sit down to holiday supper and pretend we are all so happy to be together. Is it better to have damaged parents or no parents? am I ready to orphan myself? Is it in me to just accept them as is? I really don't know...

a new school year

Our son has started 8th grade. 8th GRADE!!! Holy crap, batman, how did that happen? In the last few months he has grown 4 inches. His voice has changed, settling into a fairly deep range we hadn't expected. He could use a shave. He is more confident and more mature. He has a life I have no part of, where I used to know everything.

Recently a friend called him, and I asked him afterwards what she wanted. He looked at me, and said "why do you need to know?" I thought about it, and told him I didn't. It's just a hard habit to break. I'm just not used to not being involved in all his life. I am trying to give him more space, more privacy, more responsibility, but I keep stumbling back into old ways.

It's neat though, to watch the adult start to emerge. When he was little, I could never picture him grown up, and now I can. He can be fun to talk to now, and he makes some interesting points. He has a pretty wicked sense of humor. He is still awfully uncomfortable talking with grownups he doesn't know, or doesn't know well, but he has become very relaxed around other teens. He is a smart-ass, and I worry where this will lead. Of course, he comes by that honestly, although I swear I curb all of that in front of him. Must be genetic.

He has a good heart, and I think he will be a nice man when he grows up.

places I've been

I don't know why I started this list, but here it is.

The places I've been, outside of my home state:

Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, New York, New Jersey, Connecticut, Virginia, DC, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, Pennsylvania, Indiana, West Virginia, Ohio, Michigan, Illinois, Missouri, Colorado, California, Mexico, Nova Scotia, Belize, Italy, Germany, France, Switzerland.

I have also set foot in Iceland and England, although I never left the airports.

Where I still want to go:

Spain, Portugal, Canada, all the rest of the US including Alaska and Hawaii, Australia, New Zealand, Africa, Greece, Madagascar, Costa Rica, the Galapagos, Peru, Ireland, England and Iceland, St John, St Lucia, the Bahamas, Japan, China. Pretty much everywhere I haven't been, I think.

And then I want to revisit all my favorites.

buh-bye!!!

Gonzalez resigned yesterday. Was I the only one who heard a chorus of "ding-dong, the witch is dead" in their heads when they heard the news?? Most of the Texas mafia has gone back to the ranch, so to speak. Other than Cheney, Bush has none of his original gang with him. Now if Cheney would just get arrested for something, say soliciting in the men's room.... that would be the cherry on the sundae for me. Oh yeah, while I'm dreaming, how about Bush getting impeached?

So back to reality. We have a mayoral primary in two weeks. I don't really really like anybody running. I'll still vote, though, and pick the lesser of evils, whoever that turns out to be. As to the BIG ELECTION, hmmmm. I heard Obama on the Daily Show, and I have to say I like the guy more every time I hear him speak. My head still says Hilary is the better choice, if it comes down to the two of them -- I just don't like her much. Doesn't mean she'd be a bad president, though. I revere Jimmy Carter, and look how well that turned out. The only thing I know for sure at this point, is that I will vote for a Democrat in the general election, and whoever the Dems put forth will have to be okay with me.

we have returned!

Paris was wonderful. A welcome respite, a beautiful city, lovely people, magnificent art and architecture, good food.

I have an enormous quantity of pix up at ofoto
http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=vvaihye.856bw2ym&x=0&y=-lsvpke

Among my discoveries this last week:

despite 25 years of marriage, I still like hanging out with my husband
the French are nice people
Graffiti is everywhere
American CRAP is everywhere (mcdonald's, daddy day care movies, the GAP, footlocker)
City gardens can be beautiful, and beautifully maintained, if the city cares enough
a metro train in Paris and a metro train in Washington DC are virtually indistinguishable
You can have too much good food
Japanese tourists are horrible in groups
a ham and cheese sandwich tastes better when it is a baguette avec jambon et emmenthal
restaurants in Paris do not have no-smoking sections, or no smoking
You can eat like a pig, ingest horribly fatty foods and be reed thin, if you are a parisian woman
hot tea is a civilized custom, available at fine eating establishments everywhere
hot chocolate can be magnifique
you never get tired of good croissants, no matter how many you eat
art transcends
you can walk too much
Rodin was a genius, ditto Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Leonardo, Vermeer
flying still sucks
Iceland looks like a cool place to visit
my child actually likes me and misses me when I am gone
ditto the dog

It was great to go, and it is good to be home.

Stardust

Go see it. More than once. Then buy it when it comes out on video. No, Neil Gaiman is not paying me to say this.

I LOVED this movie. LOVED IT. I definitely am going to buy it, and when we get back from Paris, if it is still playing in theaters, I will go see it again.

It kept all the flavor of the book, all the heart and soul of the thing. That rarely happens when a favorite book leaps to the big screen. If you don't believe me, wait until you see the trailers for the Dark is Rising. They butchered the book, and they won't get a dime from me.

But Stardust is what a movie can be, if everyone respects where it came from.

in a dither

I am in a dither today. We are leaving for Paris in 6 days. Now I absolutely LOVE travelling, but I HATE the travel part. I loathe flying. I am terrified the whole time I am in the air. I HATE packing, particulary when I have to limit what I take. My husband and I squabble -- something we almost never do.

Unfortunately, I can't get to all the places I want to go, unless I pack, get on an f--ing plane and fly. I want the transporter created now. I want to step on a lighted disk on the floor, have someone say 'engage' and be halfway across the planet. Then I would get two more days in Paris, because I would eliminate the travel time.

Why do shoes take up so much room? really, how can I go with one pair of shoes? I need sneakers for walking, but can't really wear them everywhere, or with everything. And they have different electric there? or at least different connectors... how much cash should I take? what about pickpockets?

dither, dither, dither.

summer movies

It's official. I have seen more movies in the last few months than I saw in my first 18 years of life. SpiderMan 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Fantastic Four, Ghostrider, Live Free or Die Hard, The Simpsons Movie, Harry Potter... and more to come: Stardust, Golden Compass, Bourne Ultimatum.

As a child, we didn't go to the movies much. Once or twice for some kid's birthday, once when my father snuck out with a friend and took the little ones to see Goldfinger, and as a teen I saw Star Wars, Silent Movie and Young Frankenstein and Moonraker... not a ton of movies in total.

Now, I can walk to a wonderful old single-screen theater. We go as often as we can. And we can drive to a horrible multiplex that nevertheless gets all the big movies. We go to an anime convention, and get our anime fix in that way. And we rent from the Blockbuster a mile up the road.

All three of us love movies, so it's good quality family time. And we can now discuss what we see together, which has been a lot of fun. Of course, being who we are, there is also food involved. We typically do dinner and a movie, or movie snacks and a movie (popcorn, sourpatches for the kid, raisinets for me...), so it makes for a fun evening. We still struggle to find things we all want to see, or that we all CAN see. We still veto R movies for our son, although I think now it's less because we think he can't handle the content, and more that WE can't handle him handling the content... but for now, we almost always say NO to the R-rated flicks.

He vetoes the G rated films, or anything he thinks is too childish or babyish. So I didn't get to see Transformers, because he thought it was for little kids. No amount of persuasion made a difference. Little kids watch the cartoon, and play with the toys, so NO WAY was he GOING TO BE CAUGHT DEAD going to see it. Yes, we can go without him. But we are doing lots of things without him already, and I really don't want us to spend more time apart if I can help it. Not while he still is okay with hanging out with us on occasion. And I didn't get to see the most recent Ninja Turtles movie, although apparently no one else saw it either. And I didn't get to see Happy Feet. Or anything with animated penguins.

But still, I am HAPPY. I got to see lots of fun fun stuff, and there is more where that came from. MOVIES!!!!

RELIEF

Relief is an astounding sensation. It is like settling back into your own skin, after being stretched too taut. And I am much relieved this week.

I made my presentation to the eduWeb conference. It went well, and it is now OVER. I didn't embarass myself, my institution or my planet. When I do give a talk, this is what I hope for.

I finished Harry Potter, and am satisfied with the ending. I won't do details here, because I don't want to wreck it for anyone. But I am RELIEVED that Rowling didn't botch the ending to this beloved series. I was almost afraid to read the book. I so didn't want to change my perception of the Harry Potter universe, and didn't want to be disappointed.

Otakon went well. There were no disasters or disappointments. My son is happy, happy, happy, and even has cash left over. This is a load off as well. I always worry when my child blows up a single event, magnifying it until it is birthday, Christmas, and everything rolled into one. What if he is disappointed? I know life is full of things that don't turn out, and that those things are always the best lessons. But I enjoy his happiness so much, and suffer with him when he suffers, so WHEW!!! he had fun.

Even the weather has provided some psychic ease. Temperatures have dropped. The evenings have been pleasant. It's beautiful, with fireflies dancing and a gentle breeze....

sweet sweet relief!

in Communicado

I love to hang out in Communicado (and yes I know it's incommunicado, but it doesn't sound that way!). This weekend is a big one. I turn 45 on Sunday. We go to Otakon, the hugemongous anime/manga convention in Baltimore (22,000 plus attendees expected), and make my child the happiest child on the planet. And Harry Potter comes out!!!

I am significanly more excited about the Harry Potter book than I am about the other events. Not that I am not psyched up for the Con, it's just the LAST HARRY POTTER BOOK. EVER. AND I FINALLY get to see how it ENDS. I am going to read it all on Saturday night, even if I have to stay up all night to do it.

And you know what? When they open that Harry Potter themepark, I'm gonna go. I don't care if it is cheesy and commercial and and and. I am gonna ride the Hogwart's Express, and eat dinner in the main hall. I am, I am, I am.

Talk to you when I get back to reality, gang.

13!!!!

Thirteen years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Thirteen years ago, my life changed forever. I had no idea on that day how much richer and fuller my life would be because of one tiny little baby.

Today, our son is thirteen. He is half adult, half kid. He is smart, funny, charming. He is sullen and pouty and obnoxious. This is how it should be. No one is the person he is going to be at thirteen. But he is starting to take shape, and I see glimmers of the man he will become. Each day he takes another step toward that future, and is one step less the little boy I know so well.

I love him, I'm proud of him, and I am forever grateful that he came into our lives.

Happy Birthday little one.

the weather still rules

It's interesting to me. We have advanced so far, we send rockets into outer space, we have conquered diseases, extended our life spans, but we still are totally at the whim of the weather.

In the western part of the country, people are suffering from extremes of heat. Baker, CA is going to hit 125 degrees today. 125!!! Parts of Texas saw 18 inches of rain in 1 day. We have drought, floods, catastrophic storms.

We really aren't in charge. We don't rule the planet, the planet rules us. If we muck it up too badly, it can bite back. The things we take for granted -- our safety, adequate water, abundant food supplies -- can all disappear, and disappear quickly. Do you know how to find water? to hunt? grown your own food? make a meal from a handful of rice and beans?

Most folks know more about their cell phones than they do about how to survive. We are spoiled, out of shape, and totally unprepared for a harsher existence.

Makes you kinda wanna take care of the earth, don't it. Like maybe RIGHT NOW. Before it's too late....

All Hail King Shrub

All Hail King Shrub! The Bushlet has once again shown he feels himself above the system, above law, above ALL. He has commuted the sentence of Scooter Libby, with a royal wave of his hand.

What does it take to stop this man?? How can we as a people hold our government accountable, how can we have democracy, when the presidential powers have run amok?

Libby should serve the sentence the court meted out. And Bush should be turned out of office, and perhaps serve a term in prison as well.

all good things

What a difference a few days can make! I was really really down. Work was a grind. I was broke and looking at being broker. The dog was sick. I was worried about my sons grades. I got some odd bloodwork results. My best friend was looking at possibly losing her job. All bad things, all heaped on top of each other.

Now I am sitting on a day full of good things. My friend kept her job. I got a HUGE raise and a new title. My son got all As and Bs on his report card. The dog probably has a food allergy, nothing serious. The doctor says my test results are nothing to worry about.

WOW! I feel pounds lighter. All this mental crap I've been carrying around has just dissipated in the ether. I think I may actually get a good nights sleep for a change. If the universe is listening, I feel truly, deeply grateful.

68

My father just had a stent put in. He is 68. My mother also has a stent; hers was put in when she was...68. My paternal grandfather apparently died of coronary artery blockage at 69. I am no rocket scientist, but I see a pattern here.

I suddenly feel like I have a ticking time bomb inside of me. I am, knock on wood, very healthy as a general rule. I don't have chest pains, I don't smoke, I don't drink too much (too often). I eat a fairly healthy diet, watch my weight. I don't get enough exercise, but since we got the dog, I do get some walking every day.

But the number is there now, in my head. 68. Sixty-eight. Programmed somewhere in my DNA... or not. Maybe lifestyle can trump biology. Maybe. Maybe being aware of the land mine down the road can help me avoid it. Maybe.

the problem, as I see it, is, maybe not.

witricity

Not a typo. Folks at MIT have succeeded in powering a light bulb by electricity transmitted through the air. No wires. No wires AT ALL.

To me, this is amazing, science-fiction, world of tomorrow, type stuff. The idea is that eventually you could power all the electrical items in your home without wires, in much the same way that you can get an internet connection via WI-FI. So no more batteries, no more a/c adapters, no more chargers, for the cell phone, the pda, the laptop, the camera, the remote, etc. As long as you were close enough to a transmitter (or whatever they end up calling it), your stuff would just work.

I really really love this idea. And I love that they made it work. Now where the hell is my teleporter? I want MIT to work on that one.

another school year is at a close

Our son is finishing up 7th grade this week. I find this astonishing on many many levels. I can't be old enough to have a child in 7th grade. I once thought he wouldn't make it through 3rd grade, and here he is successfully navigating junior high. I don't know how we got here -- I swear the little guy was just a toddler playing in a baby pool, and now he can almost look me in the eye.

Being a parent causes a strange sort of time shift. You are suddenly ruled by the academic calendar again. I don't get summer vacation, but our son does. The rhythms of our life change every June, and again every September. We shop for swimsuits, or school supplies. We shift the time we leave in the morning, and the time we get home in the evening. There is an ebb and flow that is almost tidal, each year sweeping in and drawing back out, over and over again.

music and mood

This morning at work I have been treating myself to an entire day of music. I rarely get in more than an hour or two of listening in any given day, but I felt the need for a jump-start today. So, Stevie Wonder, Kool & the Gang, Doobie Brothers, Dr John, Isley Brothers, Everlast, Eminem, Madeleine Peyroux, the Replacements....

The affect on my mood is immediate, and powerful. I feel energized, positive. I feel like singing and dancing in my little office. I don't, of course, since I dance badly and sing even worse. It's also really hard to code while doing either one.

It is such a small small thing, and yet it makes all the difference. So, why? Why does music do what it does to me? I know there are people who don't really care for music, or even notice it much, but I find it hard to imagine. However it works, it bypasses thought. My internal editor doesn't even stick her little two cents in -- and that bitch comments on EVERYTHING. There is no filter. And the music I like is not cerebral. It does not engage the mind. It is visceral. I feel it.

Whatever it is, however it works, I love it. And I can't imagine being without it.

MERDE

I have started brushing up on my French, in preparation for a trip to Paris in August. It is amazing how little I retained from my few years of French lessons. I kept most of my Spanish, I think because I see so much more of it on a day to day basis. But French, not so much. I really only see a few menus in french, and an odd phrase here or there in a book or article. And I haven't HEARD any french in years and years.

I really only want to get back to the real basic, tourist level French. We would like the bill, what time is check-out, where is the bathroom. I would like another glass of wine. Yes, dessert would be lovely.

I have about 10 weeks to practice. Hopefully it will be enough.

civil liberties to a point

I read an interesting article today about the legal questions surrounding the quarantine of Jeremy Speakers, AKA the guy with the extreme drug resistant TB. Now the government infringes on civil liberties all the time, and I am the first to cry FOUL!. But not this time. One of the few purposes our government has is to protect its citizens. The CDC exists to protect the populace from outbreaks of disease. How can they do that, if they don't have the right to quarantine infected people?

Do we really want the CDC to have to petition a court before quarantining someone? Can we afford the time that takes? What kind of person, infected with something extremely contagious, would holler about his rights being infringed by quarantine? Sometimes the needs of the many really do outweigh the needs of the one. A plague can wipe out an entire population. The form of TB that Speakers has is nearly always fatal, unless caught extremely early, which is unlikely. His case was only diagnosed by mischance -- he hurt his ribs and had a chest x-ray. Otherwise he still wouldn't know he had the disease, and probably wouldn't, until symptoms had appeared and it was too late to treat. We were all very lucky, including Mr. Speakers. Let's hope he realizes this, and decides not to sue the government.

a new niece

We have a new niece - Hannah. I haven't seen pictures yet, but I already feel connected. Hannah is the brand new baby girl of my much beloved sis-in-law, Sue (my husband's sister). Sue is one of my favorite people on the planet, so in a real sense, what makes her happy makes me happy.

She is also one brave, brave woman. Sue is my age (we are actually 20 days apart in age). She has a husband, a five year old son, a dog, and now, a newborn baby. I cannot even contemplate being a new mom at 44. And being a working mom (a professor and researcher, no less!) on top of it, it takes a level of commitment I guess I just don't have. But I intend to admire it from a distance, and be incredibly proud of Sue and her family as they start their newest adventure.

I can't wait to meet the new addition. Welcome to the family, Hannah!

the dark ages

Today is my day to attend to women's health care, specifically my own. I swear we are still living in the dark ages when it comes to testing and women. I had a mammogram today, my first in 3 years. Yes, I know I am supposed to have one a year now. Yes, I know the best defense is a good offense. But damn, it hurts! No woman invented this, I swear. To have my boobs pressed between two metal plates and then SQUISHED, just plain hurts. And I know there are plenty of other ways to get the same results or better. CT Scanning, even MRI can be done, but the cost is too high for these to be recommended procedures. So, millions of women go through a brief, but rather brutal process once a year.

In an hour, I am back to the doctor. This time for a pelvic exam and pap smear. There has to be a better way... I wouldn't go at all, but my health insurance refuses to refill my birth control pills unless I go have this done. Something about it being a few years since my last appointment. Time flies, you know. I mean to go in regularly I really do. Somehow I just convince myself it hasn't really been that long since it was done. Maybe we should collectively contribute to a medical scholarship for someone to come up with better, more humane testing for women. I shouldn't have to feel battered and bruised by my preventive healthcare, and neither should you.

odd experience

Yesterday I went to the grocery store after work. Normally I go on the weekends, very early in the morning. By normally, I mean each and every single week. I am a creature of habit, and breaks in my routine really mess me up.

So I went to the market on the way home from work. And we (my son and I) shopped in a very crowded store. And we stood in line. And we got 2/3rds of the way through checkout when I reached into my wallet for my store card and debit card.

And FOUND NOTHING!!! no debit card, no credit card, no store card. Nada. I ran out to the car and searched my back-pack. Nothing. My heart started racing. I was really really freaked out. I went back in and asked if they would take a check. Yes - I was saved the mortal embarassment of having to leave a very full cart of groceries at the register.

I wrote my check. The nice man checked my drivers license and ran my check. Then said it was rejected. So the customer service manager had to come over. The line behind me was really long, and really disgruntled. I was totally embarassed. The man said he would go ahead and take my check. It turned out, that because I had never written a check at that store before, I had a $100 limit, which I exceeded.

Everything turned out okay. We got our groceries, we were only slightly humiliated. But the odd, panicked, dislocated feeling was so intense. Had I become that reliant on electronic payment? What would I do without a bank card? I am so used to not even thinking about cash. I have a bank card. I have credit. So I am good in all situations. Except this one.

I found all my cards when I got home. They had fallen out of my wallet during a purse switch. So I can go back to my all-electronic ways...

thank god I don't write for a living

Thank god I don't write for a living -- I'd STARVE. My blogging has become a truly sporadic thing, as real life intervenes.

To catch up:

I finished my Ethics class, with an A. I learned a lot, worked fairly hard, and am generally pleased with the whole experience.

My parents are still going through the initial stages of a divorce. My 68 year old father has moved in with his 46 year old girlfriend. Oddly, she is the well-off successful one, in a flip of the usual scenario. Go figure.

Mom is struggling with the prospect of suddenly becoming an adult, at age 75. I opened her her very first bank account this week. She will have to pay bills, submit her taxes, handle maintenance on the car and house. She will have to decide what to eat and when, who to see or not see. She has NEVER done any of these things, so she has a tough road ahead.

I got a 4% raise, very large by Hopkins standards. However, our son's tuition went up by 6.5%, healthcare went up by 2%, and I now have to pay the full ride for parking at work ($110 a month to park in a HOPKINS garage). So it's a pyrrhic raise --flattering, but useless in the large scheme of things. Still, I am happy to get it.

The husband is doing well, as is the son. I love both of them very much, and I APPRECIATE them even more, as I navigate the mess in my "birth family". More and more I think you get two families, your birth family, and the family you create as you grow, made up of the people you choose to love. I am truly rich in the second category -- my choice family is wonderful.

Talk to you soon.

thanks, gang!

I am really touched by the number of good wishes, e-hugs, and just plain caring in response to my last post. I can't tell you how much it means to me to have such wonderful people as you in my life.

Thanks for everything!!!