beach dreams

A pending vacation is the most amazing thing. It's like buying a lottery ticket. It sets of this wonderful spate of daydreaming. Life is full of possibility. You will be free of the mundane with the wave of a magic wand. You will sit on the beach with your toes in the sand, watching sandpipers dance with the waves. You will drink perfectly chilled margaritas, brought to you by beautiful bronzed cabana boys. You will be thinner, better looking in your bathing suit, suddenly fit and toned. You can almost smell the ocean.

The best thing though, is that no matter how fanciful your vacation daydream, the reality is always just as good. Its not the trappings and trimmings, its the gift of time. Time that's unclaimed, that's all your own.

SWEET!

staples and tolerance

Last night I went to a meeting at my son's school. For those who don't know, my son goes to a special education private school for bright kids with severe to moderate learning disabilities. The meeting was with the founder of the school and two members of the board of directors.

Now, I am happy with the school. All the parents I sat with, whose kids are in the same class as my son, are happy with the school. But the meeting was to discuss how upset and unhappy parents are with the school.

A list of "issues" were presented, some major and some down-right petty. They ranged from no learning plans for some of the upper-school kids (very serious) to the fact that the handbook was not stapled. MY GOD!!! burn the principal in effigy, the handbook wasn't STAPLED. I couldn't believe my ears.

We have kids that could not be educated. Bright kids that couldn't read at age twelve. Geniuses that can't add or subtract. We have children that we were told to write off. That perhaps they might, with significant help, get through high school. Maybe. At this school, they are told to plan for college, because they are going. They LEARN. My son can do geometry, multiply fractions, when he could not learn to add two digit numbers before. He's read Dante's Inferno, and understood it. He knows who Grendel is. This is astounding!

So I really can't get worked up about staples. The folks at his school are lousy administrators. I wouldn't trust them to efficiently run a lemonade stand. And I DON'T CARE, because they are good at the one thing that truly matters, and that is educating kids that can't learn anywhere else.

So why is it some people can't see the forest for the trees? People stood up last night to say that the school had saved them and their families. One mother said they had sold their house, quit their jobs, moved their other children from schools they loved, because they so needed this school for their son. They understand what matters.

Pre-emptive self-defense?

Our dear President just re-affirmed his policy of pre-emptive self-defense. I believe there is no such thing. No mother has ever told her child, "if anyone looks like they might hit you someday, you hit them first!" Are we going to hire the Psychic Friends Network to determine if a country might someday decide to attack us? How else are we going to determine what some nation might do, if they could? Is national attitude enough? Half the world hates us. Do we really want to go to war with all of them?

To me, this is just a thinly veiled way to excuse being a bully. We're turning into the big kid on the playground that socks little kids, because secretly he's afraid of everything, and he needs to prove to himself how tough he is.

How do we get off this ride?

work me, home me

I never realized how different my work self and my home self really are, until the gap started to narrow as my vacation approaches. Some part of my brain must normally be involved in maintaining the home me/work me split. Suddenly the real me is popping out at unopportune times.

At work, I'm Lorraine. At home, I'm Raine. Work is work clothes with real shoes. Home is sneakers and jeans and sweats. Work gets one set of vocabulary, home gets another. At work, I'm a professional. At home, I'm a slacker.

But when I'm tired, under stress, approaching vacation, the thin walls that separate the two seem to vanish. A co-worker joked about my taking too long to answer a question and I told her to "bite me". We both laughed, but she did comment that she couldn't believe I said that. Me either.

People walking outside my office are currently being treated to the Clash and the Ramones at peak volume. I wore sneakers yesterday, breaking the dress code yet again. I'm about 3 inches away from nachos and beer for lunch.

Now I'm wondering if Raine should come to work every day? what would that be like? and how did it happen that I stopped bringing me to work?

nick of time

not the bonnie raitt album (although its a good one) -- the universe. I have been working on a difficult project since October. My days are all on overload, and what "free time" I have is sucked up by errands and school appointments and, and, and.

But in the nick of time for my sanity, the universe has provided salvation. SPRING!!! Buds on the trees, crocuses in bloom, warmer days, more light. It is AMAZING the difference this makes in my attitude. On Saturday, we dropped our son off to hang out at a friend's house, and then Bill and I went for a long walk in the woods. It felt so good. Sunday, I squeezed in time for breakfast and the paper out on our sun porch.

Vacation is coming in two weeks (thanks Universe!). My project is coming along. Its not done by a stretch, but I am pleased with the work I'm doing.

I *think* I'm going to survive. And with Spring here, I might even like it.

my house party

No, not what you think. I want to start a new political party - the My House party. I think our two party system needs some common-sense injected into it. The country should be run on the same principles as my house.

1) put a little something away for a rainy day
2) don't spend more than you make
3) credit is bad, bad, bad
4) treat your neighbors well -- you have to live next to these people
5) everybody deserves your respect, unless they prove they haven't earned it
6) all adults have a responsibility to keep an eye out for the kids on the block
7) nobody goes to bed hungry
8) education is important, and no you can't skip your homework
9) even if you didn't drop it, you can pick it up
10) turn off the lights when you leave the room

See what I mean? I think this would work...

everything old is new again

Everything old is new again. I read yet another article praising "thin clients", which bear a striking resemblance to the dumb terminals we went to PCs to get away from. Server cluster farms aren't much different from mini computers...
We have a White House that is paranoid [remember Nixon, anyone?]. We have political patronage again. The Washington Post reports that Kendall Ehrlich, first lady of maryland, has been working for Comcast. She was hired when her husband was on a telecom committee, and then re-hired when her husband became governor. Her job? An anti-drug "talk show". Her qualifications for this? None.

And now, my favorite. Ma Bell. AT&T is re-acquiring parts that were split up in the 70s to break its monopoly. If its latest acquisition goes through, AT&T will have over 320,000 employees, and control land lines, wireless and more, in more than half the country.

Ah, nostalgia!

feeling suburban

I am feeling awfully suburban today. I just finished completing our "puppy application" and sending it off to the dog breeder. So now we have the house, the yard, the SUV parked out front, and yes, in a few months, the requisite dog in front of the fireplace.

Don't get me wrong - I really like dogs - or we wouldn't be getting one.

Its just the whole package makes me feel devoid of free will in some way. As if I am a social lemming, running toward some cliff with all the other SUV driving, dog walking, home owning moms. I swear each individual piece of the package was carefully considered. I fell in love and got married, because I couldn't imagine life without my husband. We bought a house when our tax situation got out of hand, and it just made good financial sense to do so. We bought the SUV because we occasionally drive off-road, often carry 5-6 passengers, and my low-riding Passat got beaten up by city streets.

The dog? Well my son is 11. He has wanted a dog for years. We finally said if he could show he could be responsible, he could have one. So for the last 3 months, he has gotten up every morning and fed the cats (unprompted), and every Sunday he has changed the litterboxes. No nagging necessary, no reminding. This is a huge achievement. And so, the dog.

I guess when I am sitting on the sofa, with the dog curled up on the floor and my family around me, I will breathe a contented sigh. Just like all the other lemmings, in their living rooms, with their dogs and families around them.

bread and circuses

I heard on the radio this morning that Reese Witherspoon is being paid 29 million dollars for her next movie. Ray Lewis is complaining that his several million dollar per year football contract is insufficient, despite having had a terrible season. Parker Stevenson negotiated $70,000 per month in spousal support from his actress wife, because he needed that much to support his lifestyle. We pay our entertainers a fortune, and our policeman and teachers very little.

Do we value being entertained above all else? is amusement the key thing we have? is it a case of bread and circuses?

should we all aspire to acting careers because it is rewarded best by our capitalist system? how do you inspire a child to choose a career wisely in this climate? Money does not buy happiness, and success is not measured in dollars. But those are adult ideas. Where will the next generation of caregivers and caretakers come from?

wisdom of the child

My son asked me this morning why the work week is 5 days. Why can't it be 3 days, he wanted to know. Hmmmmm. I see his point. Why can't it be 4 days? and not 4 10-hour days, either. Why can't the work week be 32 hours? I could understand if there weren't enough people to do all the work that needs doing. But there is no shortage of people that want work and can't find it.

In talking with people, I notice that folks are universally tired, overburdened, wishing they had more time. Maybe we need a super-union, to lobby for all of us. We don't want to harm productivity, or hurt the bottom line. We just want to be fully functioning human beings. Maybe we would be more productive if we weren't over-stressed. Maybe we would be better to each other.

I've got it bad and that ain't good

The last thing I expected at this point in my life -- baby fever -- has struck again. I think its because my body is slowly gearing down the baby making machinery. All I know is every picture of a baby, every glimpse on a TV screen, is giving me that familiar tug. I know that this is a bad bad idea. I know that the rational part of me does NOT want another child. But. Still.

I have successfully battled this before. It helps that my husband wants no part of the idea. He adores our son, and thinks one child is the perfect number. I agree, but my body is disagreeing with me. Hopefully I can avoid any actual infants for a month or two until this passes. If I don't hold one in my arms, I should be able to resist.

I've got it bad, and that ain't good.

good things

You know, life is really full of good things. I tend to focus on the bad stuff, because it's easier to notice what's wrong, and harder to put a finger on what's right. I believe that this is biologically hard-wired. For us to survive, we must quickly respond to the negative (hunger, thirst, danger, pain). Responding to the positives may improve quality of life, but it's rarely as urgent.

So a bad day at work may occupy all my thoughts, when I don't even notice that I came home to a wonderful husband and a terrific kid. I have a good job that pays well, but I notice that it doesn't pay well enough.

Experience and effort can trump biology. I can turn my focus, if I really want to, and if enough experience shows me its the right thing to do. I can appreciate the good things, and sit back and enjoy what is

life altering cash

I read today that someone won the $365 million dollar Powerball lottery. 1 single winner. It got me thinking about what a "life altering" amount of cash would be. Oddly, its not much. My life would change dramatically with $150,000. That would pay for the next six years of my son's tuition. It would free me to take a lower paying job if I wanted to, or travel more, or buy a vacation home. My life would change dramatically with $75,000. Same thing. I would only have to pay half the tuition each year, freeing up $12,500 for travel, home improvements, a slew of dinners out and movies seen.

could I alter my life with $40,000? Hell yes. could I alter it with $20,000? hell, yes.

Now, could I alter it with no more cash? If I really think about it, the answer has to be yes. I could alter my life as dramatically with no cash, as with cash. The money just makes the transformation easier.

food for thought.

arguably, allegedly and other waffles

People are afraid of making declarative statements. We now have phrases like "arguably the best", which really means nothing. If you think something is the best, just say so. Some folks will disagree, some won't. We now say "alleged" criminal, even when the person has confessed, or been caught red-handed. Are we that afraid of being sued? or of being wrong?

We are taking the teeth out of our language, and we are stripping true meaning from our discourse. We say "collateral damage" when we mean more stuff got destroyed than we aimed for. "Mistakes were made", not "I screwed up".

We can't even apologize properly anymore. What happened to "it's my fault" or "I'm sorry"? I don't think "if anyone was offended, that was not my intent" even vaguely resembles an apology. If you did something wrong, step up to the plate and admit it, and accept responsibility for it.

I swear I'm going to make t-shirts that say "Just Say It".

Seeking Grace

Grace has a number of definitions. It can mean "a disposition toward kindness and compassion". It can mean "a sense of propriety and consideration for others". It can mean "elegance and beauty of movement and expression".

I think this week I am striving for grace. It is a quality much underappreciated, I think. When Michelle Kwan pulled out of the Olympics, her reasons embodied grace more fully than she has ever done on the ice.

I have always been a thoroughly ungraceful person, lumbering through life rather than gliding. But I think I can live in a graceful way.

I can try, anyway.

my week for learning stuff

This is my week for learning stuff.

Things like:

• you are never too old to want a snow day
  
• lots of snow is infinitely better than a little snow
  
• no one can make you feel better, or worse, than your kid
  
• ...except sometimes, your spouse
  
• laying around doing nothing makes you hungry
  
• ...for chips and cookies
  
• the olympics can be amazing, if you ignore the announcers
  
• living within walking distance of stores and restaurants is good
  
• nobody looks good in snow gear
  
• ...no one I actually have met
  
• don't go hunting with Dick Cheney
  

let them eat cake

Today's subject is Tort Reform. My disclaimer -- I am a leftie, a liberal with a capital 'L'. That said, let's start with a few assumptions:

• you have the right to pursue happiness. This does not guarantee that you attain it
  
• the universe is not always fair
  
• the courts do not exist to "even it up"
  
• nothing guarantees you the right to move through your life unoffended
  

It seems to me that one of the biggest issues facing this country is tort reform. Or you could state it as "our propensity to sue", whichever floats your boat. We all bear the burden, every single day, of a broken system. When you sue because you slipped in the grocery store, everyone's grocery costs go up. When you sue the doctor because your child has a birth defect, we all pay higher medical bills. When you sue McDonald's because your coffee burned you, or sue the toy company because your 3 year old stuck a marble up their nose, we all pay. Not just monetarily, but in all kinds of ways that we bump into every day. Schools drop programs for fear of lawsuits. Playgrounds cost 3 times as much to build because they have to meet ultra-stringent safety regulations. Beaches close to the public because there are no funds for a lifeguard. A needed drug doesn't come to market because .01% of the people that took it in the trials had serious problems. Professors can't teach certain things, or say certain things because one group or another might be offended.

Bad things happen, sometimes to perfectly nice people. If your child is the one that stuck the marble up their nose, I'm sorry for you. It was probably embarassing and frightening for you. Next time you will probably watch your child more carefully. But the toy manufacturer doesn't owe you anything because of it. If you spilled hot coffee on your lap and burned yourself, that's unfortunate. Be more careful next time. The company that sold you the coffee doesn't owe you anything.

When you sue because a bad thing shouldn't have happened to you, you are not "sticking it to the man", you are not "winning one for the little guy". You are picking each and every one of our pockets. You are guaranteeing less choice and less freedom for all of us.

I am not saying that all lawsuits are bad. There are times when it is essential to sue, and we should always have that right. The workplace is a much safer place because of lawsuits. Suing Phillip Morris for intentionally making their cigarettes more addictive, for intentionally targeting underage consumers, for hiding results of research that showed the dangers of their products, was necessary. Suing to desegragate the schools was a brave, difficult act that set in motion a whole host of positive changes.

I am saying that reform is necessary to stop frivolous suits. If 9 out of 10 people think the suit doesn't pass the smell test, throw it out. If a nine year old can't see the logic of it, there isn't any. If the suit is meant to place fault where there is none, drop it. Find some way to limit awards to actual damages. If there is a need for something punitive, require action, not dollars, to make amends.

We need a change. Think about it.

BLING

I'm seriously worried. I've been watching HGTV as lot lately, especially househunters. That's odd, sure, but not what has me bothered. It's that even the couples just starting out, the ones with very little money, are looking for spa tubs and granite counters and all the other "features" of the lifestyle they clearly cannot afford. Its the same thing that drives poor high school students to go to extremes to rent a Hummer limo for the prom , that drives parents to spend more on a pair of sneakers than some of them earn in a week.

We long ago moved past the point where people were happy to have a job, a roof over their heads and food on the table. Now we want BLING. Diamonds and gold and more cars than we can drive. Houses that could easily house 3 families, not one. $400 shoes, $1500 watches, $150 bottles of champagne.

Everybody wants to be a rock star, a celebrity, a star athlete. Nobody wants to be a teacher, a plumber, a car mechanic. Everyone wants FABULOUS . And feels entitled to it. They deserve the lifestyle they crave.

And when they have it, they will want more. Its all driven by stuff, and stuff is rarely satisfying for long. If I get a diamond and love it, how long before I see a bigger, better diamond and want that? A new car is awesome, but then a new model comes out and its better, and suddenly my car doesn't look so good.

No answers today, just unease....

mom moments

I am under specific instructions to never talk about my son. These instructions, of course, come from my son. Apparently he lives in fear that I will embarass him by hinting that he hasn't always been the mature eleven year old he is now, or I might reveal what he likes or doesn't like, or indicate that we are related in some way.

I have always had a hard time following instructions. Especially now. I am having lots more MOM highs and MOM lows recently. My son recently told me, unprompted mind you, that no one could have a better mom than he does. He wasn't in trouble, and he didn't even want anything. I felt like I won the Nobel prize.

On the other hand, he made me turn off the radio again when we got to school this morning. We usually have to sit in the car outside school for 5-10 minutes in the morning, waiting for the doors to open. He is apparently deathly afraid that someone might hear me sing along with the radio, or god forbid, see me move with the music. Even with the windows rolled up, and tinted glass.

I know my parents were a huge embarassment to me. But, well, they're embarassing. I'm one of the cool moms. Right?

late night calls

Last night the phone rang. At 2 AM. Thank GOD it was a wrong number. Calls at 2AM cannot possibly be good, at least in my life. Ed McMahon is not calling to tell me the prize van is on its way. If I am getting a genius grant, it is coming at a civil hour. I don't have a secret lover calling to whisper hot sweaty things in my ear. Anyone calling me at that hour is calling from a hospital, or from a police station. So the adrenaline surged. Okay, not enough to get me out of bed and answer the phone. My much quicker husband took that on. But my heart started beating a mile a minute, and my brain was instantly awake. AWAKE. Who was hurt? Who was in trouble? Please please please let it be okay. And then I heard "You've got the wrong number. There's noone here by that name".

Worry turns to anger, skipping relief entirely. F***ING DRUNK -- learn to f***ing dial a f****ing phone!!!! Now I wonder, why wasn't I happy? Me and mine were safe, at least for another night. The scythe had whiffed. Thanks to adrenaline, I had many uneasy hours to ponder the question. My guess is that thankfulness is a much longer road to drive. Anger, worry, rage, doubt -- they are all shortcuts, quick easy jaunts to make.