if you're not with us, you're against us

The Bush Administration strikes again! Donald Rumsfeld is out talking up the war in Iraq. He says we are confronting a new form of fascism. People against the war have not learned from history, and should study the rise of the Nazis. Rumsfeld is an ass.

Sorry, I know, ad-hominem attacks are really poor form. But he really really is an ass. While I might agree that terrorism is akin to fascism (although I think it stretches the point a bit), the country of Iraq was not bent on global domination. The country of Iraq was not attacking other countries. To compare our invasion of Iraq with the US involvment in WWII is ridiculous in the extreme.

Rumsfeld also complained that more attention was paid to US abuses in Abu Ghraib then on a single soldier being awarded the medal of Honor. Yes, our soldiers should get attention for their heroism. But our entire nation is held accountable for our abuses; the atrocities done by a few of our soldiers reflect on all of us. Attention should be paid, and abuses should be pointed out so they can be stopped. Rumsfeld's attitudes about torture make him unfit for the position he holds. He doesn't understand that our abuses make more terrorists. Our abuses give fodder to our real enemies and turn friends into foes.

He also continues to suppor the idea that if you are against the administration's actions, you are a traitor to America. Perhaps he needs to re-read the Constitution. Perhaps he needs a history lesson.

maturity and milestones

Tomorrow is a big day in my house. Our son is starting junior high school. For him, this means he gets a locker, changes classes instead of having 1 main teacher, and is one of the "big kids" in his school.

For me, it's a big deal as well. I am usually too caught up in the day to day stuff to spend a lot of time reflecting. But this is a biggie. I am watching my child mature in leaps and bounds, and see the glimmer of what he will be one day. Two years ago, I couldn't leave him alone for an hour. Last week he spent two half-days alone at home, taking care of a puppy that needed to be walked every two hours, fed repeatedly, and amused. He came through brilliantly.

I used to have to monitor all his food choices. The other day, he let me know that he thought the salad in the fridge might be bad -- because he was making a salad for lunch, unprompted. He has switched from soda to bottled water, and has asked us to ditch the junk food in the house.

He is starting to learn about current events, and his new favorite shows are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. He even laughs in the right places. He is exploring the internet, but carefully.

His friendships are deeper, with more substance. He used to define a friend as anyone he spent any time with. Now he understands the difference between a casual acquaintance and a true friend. He has displayed impressive loyalty, and is learning to give people slack.

I can't wait to see what this year brings!

got the puppy

We finally got the dog. He's an airedale, who we have named Largo. He is twelve weeks old, weighs 14 lbs and is truly charming.

I'm back

Where to begin? We spent a week in Northern Michigan with family. The area experienced a massive heat wave while we were there. 102 degrees with no air conditioning. It was ugly. We couldn't enjoy the natural beauty of the state, because we spent most of our time seeking out air-conditioned spaces. We shopped and we ate and we bitched about the weather. We did get to swim in Lake Michigan, which is normally so cold you can't put a toe in, let alone submerge your body. We swam in Green Lake a lot too. What we didn't do was sleep. It was just too too hot.


We flew back on Thursday so we could attend Otakon, the largest convention for anime and manga fans. It was astounding. Over 20,000 people attended, many in costume. We watched a lot of video, spent a ton of time and money in the dealers room, and in general had an awesome time.

And then we came back to work. Why does it take 4-5 days to decompress from work when you are on vacation, and only an hour back to get back to the same stress level as before you left? I came back, put in many many hours of overtime this week (of the exempt, non paid kind) and feel at least as bad as I felt before we left for vacation. Doesn't seem fair.

I am not working this weekend. I am NOT working this weekend. I AM NOT WORKING this weeked. It is our 24th wedding anniversary, our son is going to his grandparents, and we are going to spend some time, just relaxing and being a couple. Oh, and driving to the far back woods of West Virginia to look at an airedale puppy. I'll keep you posted on whether we actually return with a dog this time. If nothing else, we get a road trip without a monologue on the current favorite video game, manga or movie....Not that I don't love travelling with my child; he is getting to be amusing company, but the side affect of his being off of Ritalin is a tendency to monologue, obsessively. He is missing the governor that tells you when to shut up. Hopefully he will develop it, over time.

Ciao for now, gang.

out of touch

No postings for the next week -- I will be out of touch. I am going on a much-needed family vacation. We are heading up to Interlochen, Michigan for some R&R, on Green Lake. I hope to do not much of anything while we are there. I am not taking a computer, the house doesn't have one, there are no internet cafes nearby. My cell phone reception there is spotty at best.

It is getting harder and harder to achieve electronic down-time. Even vacation houses come equipped with internet access and computers. Laptops with wireless whittle down the possible excuses. Cell phones with wider ranges, with email capabilities, keep everyone in constant touch with work.

Except -- I don't want to be in contact. I want to not think about what I do for a living. I don't want to browse, search, program, query, click, point, support or anything else. Hell, I am not even sure I want something as tech as a TV for a few days.

Talk to you soon.

tiger with no teeth

The UN is a tiger with no teeth. I was reading news coverage today of the crisis in Lebanon. While world opinion is firmly in the cease-fire camp, and the UN argues persuasively for the need for a sustainable peace, they really can't do much.

The problem is that the UN has only two weapons in its arsenal: economic penalties and world disapproval. We can discount the 2nd weapon immediately -- because really few nations care whether the UN is unhappy with them. The sanctions are real, and can cause harm, but are often ignored or used as a political tool to stir up resentment and dissent. The sanctions are also difficult to enforce.

The UN needs a way to enforce its decisions, to impose its will. Member nations should not be able to pick and choose (like the US does on a regular basis) when to follow UN dictates, and when to ignore them. Indeed, no nation should be able to opt out of UN membership, or be excluded from membership. We need global representation, and global commitment to resolve global issues. For too long, the superpowers have had their way, been the biggest bullies on the block.

I am not sure how all of this can be accomplished. But I see problems in our future, like severe drinking water shortages, or global warming, that need a strong global organization to reach any kind of solution.

global warming

Will the last person in America who doesn't believe in global warming please stand up, so we can knock you down? It was 112 in Sacramento yesterday. St Louis has had a week of 90plus degree heat. The whole country is one big ball of sweat.

And its not just this year. Last year was one of the hottest on record, as was the year before. You can argue about the root causes of global warming, but I don't see how you can argue that it exists.

If I stay in my house long enough, I think I could eventually have waterfront property. And I am about 5 miles from the Inner Harbor... If I owned beach-front property right now, I'd be starting to think about how long I could hold my breath.

I always wanted to live in the tropics -- I just thought I would have to move to do it.

44!

So am I a Magnum or a really big beer? Am I twice the woman I was at 22? Am I nearing the halfway point in my life, or am I past it?

I know less than I did ten years ago. Or I should say I am certain of less than I was ten years ago. I like myself a whole lot more. I have much more confidence in myself and my judgement, and just plain feel more comfortable in my own skin.

Things I haven't done -- travel the whole world, see the grand canyon, get my scuba cert, earn a black belt, run a marathon, write a book, walk on the moon, learn to sing

On the whole, though, I really couldn't ask for more. Life is good.

feeling better all the time

There is war in the middle east, okay, more war in the middle east. The stock market has taken a nose dive. People continue to shoot each other, rob each other, and in general be very very rude. And yet, I feel pretty good.

I finished a project!! I have been carrying a heavy weight of stress for months and months and months because I had the largest programming project I have ever had to do, and a limited amount of time to do it in. And it is FINISHED!!! People are using it. I am working out the bugs, because there ARE ALWAYS bugs, but that's trivial.

I have another year's worth of projects on my desk, so its not like I get to coast now. But there is something so freeing, so loosening, about lifting the millstone off my shoulders. Completion is a beautiful word, it really is.

maternal rage

You know, I am not a person given to wild rage. But yesterday, I could have hurt someone. I didn't, and I am still amazed at my restraint.

We went yesterday to pick up our new puppy. The breeder had called and scheduled the appointment. We have had a deposit down for 6 months, have met with the breeder, filled out a long application, gone up and played with the dogs.

We arrived at 5pm, as scheduled. She said she needed ten minutes and to just wait outside. We admired the puppies, picked blackberries, and hung out. The breeder came out, picked one pup from two outside cages filled with puppies (16 puppies in all!), and handed him to us. We petted and admired "MAX", the name we had decided on. We helped give him a bath, amused the pup with toys, etc. At one point, the very large puppy wiggled a bit, and my son dropped him. The pup was fine, but the breeder was upset, and my son cried and was frantic that he had hurt the puppy. He hadn't. They played some more, and we went to sign our contract.

Then things got weird. The breeder had not gotten the shots the puppy was supposed to have. She didn't have the health guarantee either. She hadn't microchipped the puppy. Before we could start discussing this, the puppy again wiggled out of my son's arms, from about a foot above the ground. The breeder got an odd look on her face, and then said she was "uncomfortable" and would return our deposit.

My son began weeping unconsolably. I asked her to please not do this to him. She answered that she had to protect her pups. She went inside, leaving us to try to calm our son. She came out, gave us our deposit, and shut the door again.

I have NEVER been so pissed off in my entire life. She hurt my son, making him think he was a bad person. It was his twelfth birthday, a fact she knew. And yet, rather than give us an opportunity to help him with the dog, she just decided we couldn't handle the animal. My son spent the whole car ride home weeping that he had hurt the puppy, that he didn't deserve a dog, and that he had made us lose Max.

I could have killed the woman. That is not an exaggeration. I think at that moment, I really could have. I have never felt anything like that before, so cold and irrational. I held it together for my son; I didn't want him to see me lose control in anger at another person. But oh my god it was hard, maybe the hardest thing I have ever done.

I am calmer now, but not by much. We will get another dog, I am sure. And my son will love the new pup, and get over his disappointment eventually. But I would do anything to erase the hurt he felt, anything.

something new vs something different

I rolled out two new systems to my users at the end of last week. The new hires picked up everything with little effort, because they were learning something new. The old timers struggled because they have to learn different ways of doing something they already know.

This is where I made my discovery: it is much easier to learn somthing new than something different. It probably has something to do with habit. Once something is ingrained, you have to unlearn before you can learn.

friends

A friend recently sent me a link to an article about friendship, or more accurately, about the lack of it. Fewer people are reporting that they have friends, and the folks that do have friends have fewer of them.

Research done by Professor Lynn Smith-Lovin, of Duke University documents this trend. Oddly, at least from my perspective, is that the poorer you are, and the less education you have, the fewer close friends you have. I would have thought that friendship was one of the few things impervious to class distinctions.

I find the trend disturbing. I value my friendships, and really couldn't imagine a life with no one to turn to in times of happiness and sadness. How could you make yourself go through the day?

The world is getting smaller. With the internet and email, it's easier to keep in touch, easier to "meet" people from all over the globe -- you no longer have to have something in common with the folks on your street or at your work -- you can find like minded folks anywhere on earth. You can be the biggest oddball in your town, and guaranteed, you could find a dozen folks just like you on-line.

Is it that people just don't care to make friends any more? Do we not want connections? I find it hard to believe. Maybe we just don't know how to meet people, how to form friendships. Maybe we need to start emphasizing "social skills" when teaching children.

Per usual, I have no answers, just questions. But if you are a friend, and you are reading this, I love you, I appreciate you, and I'm here, whenever.

getting it right

I read with great joy this morning about the Supreme Court's ruling in the Guantanamo Bay case. Apparently there are limits to the President's war powers. This is a huge ruling from the Court, and one that should be applauded. I particularly liked that the Court cited the Geneva Convention in the ruling, remarking that "military tribunals" would violate Article 3 of the Geneva Convention.



Of course the Court has given Bush an out -- he has to get Congress to pass legislation allowing the trials to go forward, and then he can do what he wants. Congress has already leapt into action, and there seems little doubt that they will give Bush what he wants. But at least the process was respected and followed, and this does matter.


Bush has really stretched, and at times, completely broken, the system of checks and balances that are the heart and soul of our government. That the Court recognized this, and issued a rebuke (even a tepid one), is a step in the right direction. Someday we might actually get to where we should be; with full civil liberties for all.

stormy weather

Stormy weather, ain't no sun up in the sky....



How can we still be so driven by the weather? We can send rockets into space. We can transplant a human heart. But we can't get the sun to shine.

It has rained here in Maryland for a week or so. Not a little rain, but downpours, with thunder and lightning. Rivers runneth over. We've had mudslides on the beltway. It is practically biblical. Some areas have gotten over 12 inches of rain in 3 days.

It makes my head hurt. It darkens my mood. It changes my routines.


I want blue skies. I want a breeze. I want sunshine to pour down upon me, warming my skin and lightening my heart.

the apple don't fall far from the tree

I got together with a few friends the other day. The conversation tangentially bumped into the idea of genetics. What is inherited? You are on pretty safe terrain when you look at a child, and say he has his father's chin, or his mother's eyes. But did that attitude come from the gene cocktail, or did it come from environment? Is curiosity inherited? can you be a smart-ass by birth?

How much of what we are is determined by birth? I look at my parents and pray that environment holds most of the cards. I look at my child and see one inherited characteristic after another.

When I was in college, I took a course that linked biology and behavior. I was outraged by the very idea that anything about my actions was determined by wiring. I had FREE WILL. I was no mere combination of chemicals -- I was a thinking rational being. Now, I am older, and have the experience to see that yes, there are some things that can't be explained any other way -- wiring does have a huge part in what we are, and how we act. It isn't everything, and I do think it can be battled with on a conscious level, but to deny it is there, is to move through life with blinders on.

I think we need to understand how we are wired. In a way, I think having a kid gives you a glimpse into your own "operating system". When I see certain behaviours that crop up in my son, I have this "a-ha" moment. The oh-my-god, it's genetic kind of moment. And I understand myself a little better, as I learn to understand him.

envy

I normally have this under control, and usually don't covet what I haven't got. But this week has been a low-satisfaction week, so ENVY has reared its ugly head.

My son is going to summer camp at one of the local private schools. The campus is stunning, the curriculum is stellar, the faculty well-trained. It costs $13,000 less than I will pay in tuition next year. And so, the envy creeps in. I am jealous that our school isn't as nice, and I feel cheated that I have to pay so much more for my child to get an education. The truth is that my son isn't ready for a mainstream school. To move him would doom him to failure, which I don't want. But envy is less than rational, I find.

I am in a low period with my job: too much to do, no time to do it well, deadlines, competing agendas, yadda yadda yadda. And so I open the paper, which has a front of section article on the tech shortage. And how in-demand techies are now. And how the average database admin salary is $55 per hour. At my current 37.5 hour week, that is a little over $107K a year. Not what I make, not by a long shot. So then I started envying all the people who have somehow landed these awesome jobs...

Then I watched TV, and saw these fabulous backyard kitchens. More fabulous than my new kitchen in my house. And again, envy was lurking in every image. Why don't I have an outdoor pizza oven? granite counters, a fireplace, a pool right off the kitchen?

so this week's task is to remember how lucky I am. I have a wonderful husband, a terrific child, a good solid job. I have a house I love, friends I adore. I am someone to envy....

the hissing of summer lawns

Tomorrow is the official first day of summer. For me, summer started the day we had to start using the sprinkler to keep the plants from wilting in the heat. I love to listen to the sprinkler, while I sit on the porch. I love the smell, too, of the warm, damp earth, and the sparkle of the drops of water on the green green grass.

I like the heat that wraps around you when you step outside. The sky is bluer in summer, and the clouds are whiter. I like to pad around barefoot, to feel the grass and warm concrete under my toes. The smells of grilling meat, the way a popsicle melts, the way watermelon juice dribbles down my chin -- it all sings to me of summer.

In my mind, summer is always the care-free time of sunlight and vacations. That it hasn't been that for years seems to make no difference. The feeling remains. Summer is all warm possiblity and limitless horizons. It's relaxed in a way that winter never is. Summer is flip-flops; winter is socks and boots.

Summer is a warm peach fresh from the farmer's stand by the side of the road. It's fireworks and BBQs, dairy queen and fireflies.

It doesn't get any better than this.

generation gap

Today I was talking with a young co-worker. It turns out she is 19 years old. This means I am old enough, with room to spare, to be her mother. This thought led to other thoughts. I am wondering if I am now officially experiencing a generation gap with my colleagues.

I for instance, remember 45s. You used to have a little plastic adapter, so you could play them on your record player. I remember record players, which later became turntables. Is there anyone under 35 that knows records used to skip? that you could tell how old a record was by the "fuzziness" of the sound?

We had eight-track tapes. Then we had cassettes. Now, I have an iPOD.

I remember gas-rationing. I read almost all of Anna Karenina while waiting in gas lines.

There were presidents before Ronald Reagan.

I used to buy penny candy. It really cost a penny. For a quarter, you could eat yourself sick at Dawson's.

There didn't used to be warnings on everything. No one ever told you how old you had to be to play with a toy -- they figured your parents weren't dumb enough to let you choke.

Kids flunked when they didn't do well in school. No one cared about our self-esteem.

The school nurse could give you aspirin. Kids could take aspirin.

Cereal came with good prizes; so did Cracker Jacks.

I had a pass book savings account; I actually took the little booklet to the bank when I made a deposit. They stamped my book and gave me a lollipop.

I actually had to go to the bank to put money in and to take it back out.

You used to have to ask people for directions. And find a pay phone when you needed to make a call.

I could eat at McDonalds for a $1. I could eat at McDonalds.

Paul McCartney was a Beatle. Arnold Schwarzenegger was a bodybuilder.

Nobody had air conditioning. Getting a colored TV was a big deal. We used to hang our clothes out on the line to dry, and we used to have to run out to take it down when it rained.

There weren't walk in closets. There was no Wal-Mart.

Old people always talked about the way things used to be....

just me

Does it bother anyone else that the US forces surrounded a house, had a criminal cornered, and then bombed the crap out of him? I don't mourn the loss of this particular individual, but this is out and out assassination. We didn't even attempt to capture al-Zarqawi. I think the world is better off without him. I really do.

If he had shot at our forces, and we returned fire, I would have no problem. If we had tried to capture him, and he resisted and was killed -- again, no problem. But we dropped a bomb on a man who was outnumbered and outgunned. We killed his wife and child along with him. Nice civilized behaviour.

Part of what bothers me is that it doesn't seem to bother anyone else. How we accomplish something no longer seems to matter. We want the results, and don't care about the means.

Oh well, I guess its just me.

last days of Rome

Do you think, in the dwindling days of the Roman Empire, that they knew that it was over? That they would never rise so high, or be so great? Would it be like today in America?

We are apparently considering removing some key tenets of the Geneva Convention out of our troop training books. Specifically, we may permit "humiliating and degrading" treatment of prisoners. The same administration that expressed its sorrow (potentially, if any wrong was done, but still) over the massacre at Haditha, thinks its okay to abuse the prisoners in its care. Kind of like the the foul-mouthed parent that wonders where the f*ck their kids learned to talk like that....

Once, we were a great nation. Now we are a shadow of what we were. Hail Caesar!