Sunday, August 31, 2014

the imp of the perverse

I've spent the last few years figuring out the things that work best for me. So why do I always drift back into bad patterns when I am most in need of the good ones?

I know that I feel best, and am at my happiest and healthiest when:

I eat a mostly plant based, low fat diet
I get substantial chunks of time out in nature
I meditate for 15-20 minutes every day
I get 7 hours or so of solid sleep a night
I get 30 minutes of exercise a day

But when I am extremely stressed, I do this instead:

I eat a lot of salty snacks and up the fat in my diet
I spend as much time as possible on my couch
I meditate 5 minutes or not at all
I sleep a couple of hours at a stretch
I skip the exercise or put in a token 15 minutes a couple of times a week

With the end result that I feel worse than I need to feel, for longer than I need to feel that way. I know it. I KNOW IT. And yet I keep repeating that cycle. I call it the 'imp of the perverse' because it almost has a life of its own -- my own little demon that just doesn't want to be banished.

I always thought that part of being a grown up was doing what you know you need to do, not just what you want to do. So either I am not a grown up yet, or I was wrong in thinking that in the first place. Or maybe a mix of both.


Kitten Herder said...

Being a grown-up isn't about always doing what you know is best. I think it is recognizing what would be the most responsible thing to do and trying to do that most of the time. Sometimes you need to throw a tantrum and refuse to be a "responsible adult". All things in moderation, my dear.

RaineS said...

I think that's why they call it "the middle way" and don't worry -- i'm never going to be all the way grown