Friday, February 23, 2007

35 days until vacation

I have 35 days until we leave for a family vacation. I am actually counting down the days. Once again, I have let myself get depleted and exhausted to the point that my vacation becomes my light at the end of the tunnel -- the only way I keep moving.

This year is very different. We are going on a family vacation, just my husband, son and I. We have rented a beautiful cabin [indoor jacuzzi, hottub, pool table, plasma tv, granite counter kitchen, so cabin seems a misnomer], in the Smokey Mountains. So, in an improbably turn of events, we are heading to Tennessee for vacation. Specifically Gatlinburg. I intend to read, rest, read, rest, eat a ton, get lots of fresh air and exercise, spend lots of time canoodling, and get to know my kid better while he still talks to me.

I also hope to figure out why I keep repeating the same old work patterns. I find a job that suits me. I settle in and proceed to turn it into a larger and larger job until it becomes more than one person can handle. I start out being useful, and end up indispensable, in a really not good sort of way. In that "I don't know how we will get through a week without you here" kind of way. The stress becomes too much, and then I start looking for another job. Then I repeat the whole damn cycle again. And again. I really think I need to figure this out, or end up repeating it forever.

1 comment:

Kitten Herder said...

Feeling like Sisyphus, eh?

You like being needed. How would you feel if you had a job where it didn't really matter to your organization if you didn't show up for a week?

Stress sucks. The trick is to enjoy being needed, but not to let other people's neediness suck at your soul.

It took a long time for me to get there. I know that I am relied on heavily in my current job. However, I can turn my attention away from the 'need' at any time.

I don't know how I got to this point. I think it has to do with realizing that it's only a job. I make sure that I do things that people find indespensible. But, I also make sure that I remember that THEY need ME. My needs are not tied to theirs. My needs are met by more personal endeavors (going to the gym, spending time with my family, and spending time reflecting on my own).

Best wishes on a relaxing vacation. Call me if you want to talk. I have SO been there.