The news today has me hopping mad. After debate, and argument, and every other congressional play, warrantless wiretapping looks like it will be okayed, and terrorist tribunals without recourse to federal courts will also be approved. I THOUGHT we had come to our senses on all of this. I THOUGHT our leaders had finally gotten the message loud and clear.
And then. And then. The Defense Budget is going to pass. Another 70 BILLION Dollars has been allocated for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. This is not the full cost, mind you. The war is costing our country (i.e. YOU and ME) 8 BILLION dollars a MONTH!!!
Do you know how much better our country could be as a whole if we spent 8 billion dollars a month for healthcare for all, or 8 billion dollars a month for education, or 8 billion dollars a month for infrastructure repairs, or 8 billion dollars a month for food and clothing for our neediest people? We are spending 8 billion dollars a month to kill and be killed in a country that truthfully we care nothing about. And we are getting back for that 8 billion dollars... injured soldiers who will need medical care their entire lives (and they deserve every penny -- they earned it!), a broken country we will have to repair, a damaged reputation, more enemies.
I call that a lousy ROI.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
manners
disclaimer: I am not Emily Post. I have never been Emily Post. I am not even related to Emily Post.
Now that that is out of the way, AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! How did we become such an ill-mannered society? In the last week, not once, not twice, but 3 separate times, I have been in the ladies room, using it for its intended purpose, only to hear one-sided conversations from the stall next to me. Yes, 3 different people thought it was fine to conduct a phone conversation while using the facilities!! To me that shows a complete lack of respect for the person you are talking with, a complete lack of respect for the other patrons (who may not want their bodily functions broadcast via phone speaker, and may not want to sit captive through your conversation) and to a certain extent a complete lack of respect for self.
Good lord, people, how important were those conversations? Were they life or death? Are you so lacking in mental resilience, that a minute without conversation would plunge you into depression? Were you never taught any manners at all?
Manners are ESSENTIAL. Without them, the friction of day to day life is too much for most folks to bear. There are too many of us, often crammed into too small a space, with too many competing agendas for us to be ill-mannered. I am not seeking a return to Victorian England, with its extremely mannered society. I am just seeking common, ordinary politeness. I don' t think it's too much to ask for, and I think we should value each other enough to comply.
Now that that is out of the way, AAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! How did we become such an ill-mannered society? In the last week, not once, not twice, but 3 separate times, I have been in the ladies room, using it for its intended purpose, only to hear one-sided conversations from the stall next to me. Yes, 3 different people thought it was fine to conduct a phone conversation while
Good lord, people, how important were those conversations? Were they life or death? Are you so lacking in mental resilience, that a minute without conversation would plunge you into depression? Were you never taught any manners at all?
Manners are ESSENTIAL. Without them, the friction of day to day life is too much for most folks to bear. There are too many of us, often crammed into too small a space, with too many competing agendas for us to be ill-mannered. I am not seeking a return to Victorian England, with its extremely mannered society. I am just seeking common, ordinary politeness. I don' t think it's too much to ask for, and I think we should value each other enough to comply.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
oops, I did it again
I've done it yet again. I am hopelessly over-extended. I feel like I have three chain-saws in the air at any one time, and god forbid I should drop one. The kicker is that most of what I am doing, I enjoy. Yet I still feel over-burdened by it all. Work. School. Family. Friends. Pets. Home. No, no particular order to those.... I live a full, rich life that is slowly exhausting me.
I keep thinking about it. What would I cut out? True answer -- nothing. Not one thing. If anything, I would add to it. More time with my sweet baboo, more time with my munchkin, more time with my friends, more time kicking back and relaxing. My conclusion -- I need more time. There's not a lot I can carve out though, unless I give up sleep, and I already feel like I have.
It is probably a lovely problem to have. A truly modern problem. But a problem nonetheless. If anyone has a solution, please post a comment.
I keep thinking about it. What would I cut out? True answer -- nothing. Not one thing. If anything, I would add to it. More time with my sweet baboo, more time with my munchkin, more time with my friends, more time kicking back and relaxing. My conclusion -- I need more time. There's not a lot I can carve out though, unless I give up sleep, and I already feel like I have.
It is probably a lovely problem to have. A truly modern problem. But a problem nonetheless. If anyone has a solution, please post a comment.
Friday, September 15, 2006
what size do you wear?
We had an odd discussion at work yesterday. What size do you wear? A very petite co-worker was in a 7, but others swore it couldn't be more than a 4. I can wear anything from a 6 to a 10 depending on the cut. I'm vertically challenged, so sometimes I buy petites, so I can get the right length. I bought petites, even when I was a size 14... which didn't seem very 'petite' at all. I often hear women of a certain age and income bracket bragging that they have always been a perfect size 6 -- when anyone with eyes can see they can't be smaller than a 12. I have noticed a strong correlation between price and size. The more expensive the clothes, the smaller the size. If I could afford it, I could be a size 0.
Sine it seems that sizing is arbitrary, that there is no standard, why are we hung up on the issue? Some of my co-workers wouldn't even say out loud what size they wear. Why would you brag about being a 2, or ashamed of being a 22? I think we need to embrace our inner Popeye -- I yam what I yam. But skip the spinach until this e-coli scare is over....
Sine it seems that sizing is arbitrary, that there is no standard, why are we hung up on the issue? Some of my co-workers wouldn't even say out loud what size they wear. Why would you brag about being a 2, or ashamed of being a 22? I think we need to embrace our inner Popeye -- I yam what I yam. But skip the spinach until this e-coli scare is over....
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
what does one vote matter?
I went to vote this morning in the primaries. Our polling place was supposed to open at 7am so I arrived at 7:15am with my son in tow. We waited patiently in line for 20 minutes, only to find that the polls were not opening -- the republican judge had not showed up, and the polls could not legally open until both the democratic and republican judges were present.
I had to leave without voting, so my son could get to school on time. Now, I will try to go vote later today. So this is not about how my one vote could have changed things, but won't since it wasn't cast. I was upset this morning, because I really treasure my right to vote. And I had to explain to my son why I was upset. His question -- what difference does it make? What does one vote matter?
And so I tried to explain. People have died for the ability to cast that one vote. How a democracy isn't a democracy unless people exercise the right to vote. How a single vote can be the difference -- what if Roe v Wade had been 1 vote the other way? What if the supreme court had 1 more vote in Al Gore's favor -- would we be at war right now? Participating in the process is more than an exercise, it defines the process, it makes us what we are.
I hope he got the point.
I had to leave without voting, so my son could get to school on time. Now, I will try to go vote later today. So this is not about how my one vote could have changed things, but won't since it wasn't cast. I was upset this morning, because I really treasure my right to vote. And I had to explain to my son why I was upset. His question -- what difference does it make? What does one vote matter?
And so I tried to explain. People have died for the ability to cast that one vote. How a democracy isn't a democracy unless people exercise the right to vote. How a single vote can be the difference -- what if Roe v Wade had been 1 vote the other way? What if the supreme court had 1 more vote in Al Gore's favor -- would we be at war right now? Participating in the process is more than an exercise, it defines the process, it makes us what we are.
I hope he got the point.
Monday, September 11, 2006
remembrance
Five years ago, our nation changed. We lost our collective innocence, our belief that bad things happen in other countries, to other people. I heard the news very early, on-line, in my then office in Tyson's Corner. At first, it was just a sad item, a small plane had crashed into the Twin Towers.
Quickly the news changed, as it became apparent that the crash was intentional. We began to hear helicopters overhead. Tyson's Corner is a long drive, but in actuality just a few miles from the Pentagon. We gathered together in an office, trying desperately to get TV reception, to get news, reassurance. Instead the government shut down. DC called a state of emergency, followed soon after by Virginia. I was frantically on the phone with my husband, my son's school, my parents, trying to figure out what to do.
I remember trying to get to my son's school in Bowie, frantic to get to him, get him home safely, but not wanting to let on that something bad, something horrible had happened. He was 7 that year. I spent the whole evening on the couch, glued to the news. I wept.
No one I knew was hurt. No one I knew was injured or lost. But it still felt very personal. I don't know if it was the strength of the images we saw over and over, or the personal stories of heartbreak. I felt violated and angry and lost.
Today is a day for remembrance. For extending sympathies to the families of the victim, and for forgettting our differences and remembering what draws us together as people.
9-11-2006.
Quickly the news changed, as it became apparent that the crash was intentional. We began to hear helicopters overhead. Tyson's Corner is a long drive, but in actuality just a few miles from the Pentagon. We gathered together in an office, trying desperately to get TV reception, to get news, reassurance. Instead the government shut down. DC called a state of emergency, followed soon after by Virginia. I was frantically on the phone with my husband, my son's school, my parents, trying to figure out what to do.
I remember trying to get to my son's school in Bowie, frantic to get to him, get him home safely, but not wanting to let on that something bad, something horrible had happened. He was 7 that year. I spent the whole evening on the couch, glued to the news. I wept.
No one I knew was hurt. No one I knew was injured or lost. But it still felt very personal. I don't know if it was the strength of the images we saw over and over, or the personal stories of heartbreak. I felt violated and angry and lost.
Today is a day for remembrance. For extending sympathies to the families of the victim, and for forgettting our differences and remembering what draws us together as people.
9-11-2006.
Friday, September 08, 2006
day 1 of school
I really enjoyed class last night. I was nervous going in, but that lasted about 15 seconds. I forgot how energizing it is to sit in a room with bright people, bouncing ideas around. Ideas started percolating in my brain almost immediately. I really really missed this.
I haven't taken anything but computer classes for the last 15 years. While they are engaging in their own way, they are limited in what's taught, and the discussion is non-existent, and end up not being very satisfying. I always feel drained after a computer class. I certainly don't look forward to them.
I also have changed in the way I approach a class. I used to sit in the back and pray the professor wouldn't notice me. I never talked. I never asked a question. Now I jump right in. I don't really worry about sounding like an idiot, or asking something stupid. I wish I had had that confidence when I was an undergrad. I would have gotten a lot more out of my courses, and probably had a better time as well.
I haven't taken anything but computer classes for the last 15 years. While they are engaging in their own way, they are limited in what's taught, and the discussion is non-existent, and end up not being very satisfying. I always feel drained after a computer class. I certainly don't look forward to them.
I also have changed in the way I approach a class. I used to sit in the back and pray the professor wouldn't notice me. I never talked. I never asked a question. Now I jump right in. I don't really worry about sounding like an idiot, or asking something stupid. I wish I had had that confidence when I was an undergrad. I would have gotten a lot more out of my courses, and probably had a better time as well.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
fountain of youth?
Maybe I have found the fountain of youth. Tomorrow is my first day of school. I am nervous, just like I was when I was little, before the start of every school year. Will I fit in? Will I wear the right thing? what if I can't find my classroom? what if everyone else already knows everybody?
I have had other moments like this, where I am suddenly a child again. Sitting in the principal's office at my son's school made me feel like I was 9 and I was in trouble. Every time I go to church, as soon as my butt hits the pew, I feel fidgety and out of place, just like I did way back when. When I get really dressed up, I always feel like a kid in easter clothes, clearly stiff and uncomfortable, and way too worried about a rip or getting dirty.
Do we ever really leave childhood behind? Maybe we are more like a nautilus than we think, each decade another chamber added on, but nothing discarded. I still have a wild urge to stick my tongue out after an obnoxious colleague leaves my office, and schoolhouse rhymes still float around in my mind [nanny nanny boo-boo... I see London, I see France...found a peanut, you name it, they are all in there, threatening to come out]
So maybe we have always had the fountain of youth -- Memory.
I have had other moments like this, where I am suddenly a child again. Sitting in the principal's office at my son's school made me feel like I was 9 and I was in trouble. Every time I go to church, as soon as my butt hits the pew, I feel fidgety and out of place, just like I did way back when. When I get really dressed up, I always feel like a kid in easter clothes, clearly stiff and uncomfortable, and way too worried about a rip or getting dirty.
Do we ever really leave childhood behind? Maybe we are more like a nautilus than we think, each decade another chamber added on, but nothing discarded. I still have a wild urge to stick my tongue out after an obnoxious colleague leaves my office, and schoolhouse rhymes still float around in my mind [nanny nanny boo-boo... I see London, I see France...found a peanut, you name it, they are all in there, threatening to come out]
So maybe we have always had the fountain of youth -- Memory.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
if you're not with us, you're against us
The Bush Administration strikes again! Donald Rumsfeld is out talking up the war in Iraq. He says we are confronting a new form of fascism. People against the war have not learned from history, and should study the rise of the Nazis. Rumsfeld is an ass.
Sorry, I know, ad-hominem attacks are really poor form. But he really really is an ass. While I might agree that terrorism is akin to fascism (although I think it stretches the point a bit), the country of Iraq was not bent on global domination. The country of Iraq was not attacking other countries. To compare our invasion of Iraq with the US involvment in WWII is ridiculous in the extreme.
Rumsfeld also complained that more attention was paid to US abuses in Abu Ghraib then on a single soldier being awarded the medal of Honor. Yes, our soldiers should get attention for their heroism. But our entire nation is held accountable for our abuses; the atrocities done by a few of our soldiers reflect on all of us. Attention should be paid, and abuses should be pointed out so they can be stopped. Rumsfeld's attitudes about torture make him unfit for the position he holds. He doesn't understand that our abuses make more terrorists. Our abuses give fodder to our real enemies and turn friends into foes.
He also continues to suppor the idea that if you are against the administration's actions, you are a traitor to America. Perhaps he needs to re-read the Constitution. Perhaps he needs a history lesson.
Sorry, I know, ad-hominem attacks are really poor form. But he really really is an ass. While I might agree that terrorism is akin to fascism (although I think it stretches the point a bit), the country of Iraq was not bent on global domination. The country of Iraq was not attacking other countries. To compare our invasion of Iraq with the US involvment in WWII is ridiculous in the extreme.
Rumsfeld also complained that more attention was paid to US abuses in Abu Ghraib then on a single soldier being awarded the medal of Honor. Yes, our soldiers should get attention for their heroism. But our entire nation is held accountable for our abuses; the atrocities done by a few of our soldiers reflect on all of us. Attention should be paid, and abuses should be pointed out so they can be stopped. Rumsfeld's attitudes about torture make him unfit for the position he holds. He doesn't understand that our abuses make more terrorists. Our abuses give fodder to our real enemies and turn friends into foes.
He also continues to suppor the idea that if you are against the administration's actions, you are a traitor to America. Perhaps he needs to re-read the Constitution. Perhaps he needs a history lesson.
Monday, August 28, 2006
maturity and milestones
Tomorrow is a big day in my house. Our son is starting junior high school. For him, this means he gets a locker, changes classes instead of having 1 main teacher, and is one of the "big kids" in his school.
For me, it's a big deal as well. I am usually too caught up in the day to day stuff to spend a lot of time reflecting. But this is a biggie. I am watching my child mature in leaps and bounds, and see the glimmer of what he will be one day. Two years ago, I couldn't leave him alone for an hour. Last week he spent two half-days alone at home, taking care of a puppy that needed to be walked every two hours, fed repeatedly, and amused. He came through brilliantly.
I used to have to monitor all his food choices. The other day, he let me know that he thought the salad in the fridge might be bad -- because he was making a salad for lunch, unprompted. He has switched from soda to bottled water, and has asked us to ditch the junk food in the house.
He is starting to learn about current events, and his new favorite shows are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. He even laughs in the right places. He is exploring the internet, but carefully.
His friendships are deeper, with more substance. He used to define a friend as anyone he spent any time with. Now he understands the difference between a casual acquaintance and a true friend. He has displayed impressive loyalty, and is learning to give people slack.
I can't wait to see what this year brings!
For me, it's a big deal as well. I am usually too caught up in the day to day stuff to spend a lot of time reflecting. But this is a biggie. I am watching my child mature in leaps and bounds, and see the glimmer of what he will be one day. Two years ago, I couldn't leave him alone for an hour. Last week he spent two half-days alone at home, taking care of a puppy that needed to be walked every two hours, fed repeatedly, and amused. He came through brilliantly.
I used to have to monitor all his food choices. The other day, he let me know that he thought the salad in the fridge might be bad -- because he was making a salad for lunch, unprompted. He has switched from soda to bottled water, and has asked us to ditch the junk food in the house.
He is starting to learn about current events, and his new favorite shows are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. He even laughs in the right places. He is exploring the internet, but carefully.
His friendships are deeper, with more substance. He used to define a friend as anyone he spent any time with. Now he understands the difference between a casual acquaintance and a true friend. He has displayed impressive loyalty, and is learning to give people slack.
I can't wait to see what this year brings!
Friday, August 18, 2006
got the puppy
We finally got the dog. He's an airedale, who we have named Largo. He is twelve weeks old, weighs 14 lbs and is truly charming.
Friday, August 11, 2006
I'm back
Where to begin? We spent a week in Northern Michigan with family. The area experienced a massive heat wave while we were there. 102 degrees with no air conditioning. It was ugly. We couldn't enjoy the natural beauty of the state, because we spent most of our time seeking out air-conditioned spaces. We shopped and we ate and we bitched about the weather. We did get to swim in Lake Michigan, which is normally so cold you can't put a toe in, let alone submerge your body. We swam in Green Lake a lot too. What we didn't do was sleep. It was just too too hot.
We flew back on Thursday so we could attend Otakon, the largest convention for anime and manga fans. It was astounding. Over 20,000 people attended, many in costume. We watched a lot of video, spent a ton of time and money in the dealers room, and in general had an awesome time.
And then we came back to work. Why does it take 4-5 days to decompress from work when you are on vacation, and only an hour back to get back to the same stress level as before you left? I came back, put in many many hours of overtime this week (of the exempt, non paid kind) and feel at least as bad as I felt before we left for vacation. Doesn't seem fair.
I am not working this weekend. I am NOT working this weekend. I AM NOT WORKING this weeked. It is our 24th wedding anniversary, our son is going to his grandparents, and we are going to spend some time, just relaxing and being a couple. Oh, and driving to the far back woods of West Virginia to look at an airedale puppy. I'll keep you posted on whether we actually return with a dog this time. If nothing else, we get a road trip without a monologue on the current favorite video game, manga or movie....Not that I don't love travelling with my child; he is getting to be amusing company, but the side affect of his being off of Ritalin is a tendency to monologue, obsessively. He is missing the governor that tells you when to shut up. Hopefully he will develop it, over time.
Ciao for now, gang.
We flew back on Thursday so we could attend Otakon, the largest convention for anime and manga fans. It was astounding. Over 20,000 people attended, many in costume. We watched a lot of video, spent a ton of time and money in the dealers room, and in general had an awesome time.
And then we came back to work. Why does it take 4-5 days to decompress from work when you are on vacation, and only an hour back to get back to the same stress level as before you left? I came back, put in many many hours of overtime this week (of the exempt, non paid kind) and feel at least as bad as I felt before we left for vacation. Doesn't seem fair.
I am not working this weekend. I am NOT working this weekend. I AM NOT WORKING this weeked. It is our 24th wedding anniversary, our son is going to his grandparents, and we are going to spend some time, just relaxing and being a couple. Oh, and driving to the far back woods of West Virginia to look at an airedale puppy. I'll keep you posted on whether we actually return with a dog this time. If nothing else, we get a road trip without a monologue on the current favorite video game, manga or movie....Not that I don't love travelling with my child; he is getting to be amusing company, but the side affect of his being off of Ritalin is a tendency to monologue, obsessively. He is missing the governor that tells you when to shut up. Hopefully he will develop it, over time.
Ciao for now, gang.
Friday, July 28, 2006
out of touch
No postings for the next week -- I will be out of touch. I am going on a much-needed family vacation. We are heading up to Interlochen, Michigan for some R&R, on Green Lake. I hope to do not much of anything while we are there. I am not taking a computer, the house doesn't have one, there are no internet cafes nearby. My cell phone reception there is spotty at best.
It is getting harder and harder to achieve electronic down-time. Even vacation houses come equipped with internet access and computers. Laptops with wireless whittle down the possible excuses. Cell phones with wider ranges, with email capabilities, keep everyone in constant touch with work.
Except -- I don't want to be in contact. I want to not think about what I do for a living. I don't want to browse, search, program, query, click, point, support or anything else. Hell, I am not even sure I want something as tech as a TV for a few days.
Talk to you soon.
It is getting harder and harder to achieve electronic down-time. Even vacation houses come equipped with internet access and computers. Laptops with wireless whittle down the possible excuses. Cell phones with wider ranges, with email capabilities, keep everyone in constant touch with work.
Except -- I don't want to be in contact. I want to not think about what I do for a living. I don't want to browse, search, program, query, click, point, support or anything else. Hell, I am not even sure I want something as tech as a TV for a few days.
Talk to you soon.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
tiger with no teeth
The UN is a tiger with no teeth. I was reading news coverage today of the crisis in Lebanon. While world opinion is firmly in the cease-fire camp, and the UN argues persuasively for the need for a sustainable peace, they really can't do much.
The problem is that the UN has only two weapons in its arsenal: economic penalties and world disapproval. We can discount the 2nd weapon immediately -- because really few nations care whether the UN is unhappy with them. The sanctions are real, and can cause harm, but are often ignored or used as a political tool to stir up resentment and dissent. The sanctions are also difficult to enforce.
The UN needs a way to enforce its decisions, to impose its will. Member nations should not be able to pick and choose (like the US does on a regular basis) when to follow UN dictates, and when to ignore them. Indeed, no nation should be able to opt out of UN membership, or be excluded from membership. We need global representation, and global commitment to resolve global issues. For too long, the superpowers have had their way, been the biggest bullies on the block.
I am not sure how all of this can be accomplished. But I see problems in our future, like severe drinking water shortages, or global warming, that need a strong global organization to reach any kind of solution.
The problem is that the UN has only two weapons in its arsenal: economic penalties and world disapproval. We can discount the 2nd weapon immediately -- because really few nations care whether the UN is unhappy with them. The sanctions are real, and can cause harm, but are often ignored or used as a political tool to stir up resentment and dissent. The sanctions are also difficult to enforce.
The UN needs a way to enforce its decisions, to impose its will. Member nations should not be able to pick and choose (like the US does on a regular basis) when to follow UN dictates, and when to ignore them. Indeed, no nation should be able to opt out of UN membership, or be excluded from membership. We need global representation, and global commitment to resolve global issues. For too long, the superpowers have had their way, been the biggest bullies on the block.
I am not sure how all of this can be accomplished. But I see problems in our future, like severe drinking water shortages, or global warming, that need a strong global organization to reach any kind of solution.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
global warming
Will the last person in America who doesn't believe in global warming please stand up, so we can knock you down? It was 112 in Sacramento yesterday. St Louis has had a week of 90plus degree heat. The whole country is one big ball of sweat.
And its not just this year. Last year was one of the hottest on record, as was the year before. You can argue about the root causes of global warming, but I don't see how you can argue that it exists.
If I stay in my house long enough, I think I could eventually have waterfront property. And I am about 5 miles from the Inner Harbor... If I owned beach-front property right now, I'd be starting to think about how long I could hold my breath.
I always wanted to live in the tropics -- I just thought I would have to move to do it.
And its not just this year. Last year was one of the hottest on record, as was the year before. You can argue about the root causes of global warming, but I don't see how you can argue that it exists.
If I stay in my house long enough, I think I could eventually have waterfront property. And I am about 5 miles from the Inner Harbor... If I owned beach-front property right now, I'd be starting to think about how long I could hold my breath.
I always wanted to live in the tropics -- I just thought I would have to move to do it.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
44!
So am I a Magnum or a really big beer? Am I twice the woman I was at 22? Am I nearing the halfway point in my life, or am I past it?
I know less than I did ten years ago. Or I should say I am certain of less than I was ten years ago. I like myself a whole lot more. I have much more confidence in myself and my judgement, and just plain feel more comfortable in my own skin.
Things I haven't done -- travel the whole world, see the grand canyon, get my scuba cert, earn a black belt, run a marathon, write a book, walk on the moon, learn to sing
On the whole, though, I really couldn't ask for more. Life is good.
I know less than I did ten years ago. Or I should say I am certain of less than I was ten years ago. I like myself a whole lot more. I have much more confidence in myself and my judgement, and just plain feel more comfortable in my own skin.
Things I haven't done -- travel the whole world, see the grand canyon, get my scuba cert, earn a black belt, run a marathon, write a book, walk on the moon, learn to sing
On the whole, though, I really couldn't ask for more. Life is good.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
feeling better all the time
There is war in the middle east, okay, more war in the middle east. The stock market has taken a nose dive. People continue to shoot each other, rob each other, and in general be very very rude. And yet, I feel pretty good.
I finished a project!! I have been carrying a heavy weight of stress for months and months and months because I had the largest programming project I have ever had to do, and a limited amount of time to do it in. And it is FINISHED!!! People are using it. I am working out the bugs, because there ARE ALWAYS bugs, but that's trivial.
I have another year's worth of projects on my desk, so its not like I get to coast now. But there is something so freeing, so loosening, about lifting the millstone off my shoulders. Completion is a beautiful word, it really is.
I finished a project!! I have been carrying a heavy weight of stress for months and months and months because I had the largest programming project I have ever had to do, and a limited amount of time to do it in. And it is FINISHED!!! People are using it. I am working out the bugs, because there ARE ALWAYS bugs, but that's trivial.
I have another year's worth of projects on my desk, so its not like I get to coast now. But there is something so freeing, so loosening, about lifting the millstone off my shoulders. Completion is a beautiful word, it really is.
Monday, July 17, 2006
maternal rage
You know, I am not a person given to wild rage. But yesterday, I could have hurt someone. I didn't, and I am still amazed at my restraint.
We went yesterday to pick up our new puppy. The breeder had called and scheduled the appointment. We have had a deposit down for 6 months, have met with the breeder, filled out a long application, gone up and played with the dogs.
We arrived at 5pm, as scheduled. She said she needed ten minutes and to just wait outside. We admired the puppies, picked blackberries, and hung out. The breeder came out, picked one pup from two outside cages filled with puppies (16 puppies in all!), and handed him to us. We petted and admired "MAX", the name we had decided on. We helped give him a bath, amused the pup with toys, etc. At one point, the very large puppy wiggled a bit, and my son dropped him. The pup was fine, but the breeder was upset, and my son cried and was frantic that he had hurt the puppy. He hadn't. They played some more, and we went to sign our contract.
Then things got weird. The breeder had not gotten the shots the puppy was supposed to have. She didn't have the health guarantee either. She hadn't microchipped the puppy. Before we could start discussing this, the puppy again wiggled out of my son's arms, from about a foot above the ground. The breeder got an odd look on her face, and then said she was "uncomfortable" and would return our deposit.
My son began weeping unconsolably. I asked her to please not do this to him. She answered that she had to protect her pups. She went inside, leaving us to try to calm our son. She came out, gave us our deposit, and shut the door again.
I have NEVER been so pissed off in my entire life. She hurt my son, making him think he was a bad person. It was his twelfth birthday, a fact she knew. And yet, rather than give us an opportunity to help him with the dog, she just decided we couldn't handle the animal. My son spent the whole car ride home weeping that he had hurt the puppy, that he didn't deserve a dog, and that he had made us lose Max.
I could have killed the woman. That is not an exaggeration. I think at that moment, I really could have. I have never felt anything like that before, so cold and irrational. I held it together for my son; I didn't want him to see me lose control in anger at another person. But oh my god it was hard, maybe the hardest thing I have ever done.
I am calmer now, but not by much. We will get another dog, I am sure. And my son will love the new pup, and get over his disappointment eventually. But I would do anything to erase the hurt he felt, anything.
We went yesterday to pick up our new puppy. The breeder had called and scheduled the appointment. We have had a deposit down for 6 months, have met with the breeder, filled out a long application, gone up and played with the dogs.
We arrived at 5pm, as scheduled. She said she needed ten minutes and to just wait outside. We admired the puppies, picked blackberries, and hung out. The breeder came out, picked one pup from two outside cages filled with puppies (16 puppies in all!), and handed him to us. We petted and admired "MAX", the name we had decided on. We helped give him a bath, amused the pup with toys, etc. At one point, the very large puppy wiggled a bit, and my son dropped him. The pup was fine, but the breeder was upset, and my son cried and was frantic that he had hurt the puppy. He hadn't. They played some more, and we went to sign our contract.
Then things got weird. The breeder had not gotten the shots the puppy was supposed to have. She didn't have the health guarantee either. She hadn't microchipped the puppy. Before we could start discussing this, the puppy again wiggled out of my son's arms, from about a foot above the ground. The breeder got an odd look on her face, and then said she was "uncomfortable" and would return our deposit.
My son began weeping unconsolably. I asked her to please not do this to him. She answered that she had to protect her pups. She went inside, leaving us to try to calm our son. She came out, gave us our deposit, and shut the door again.
I have NEVER been so pissed off in my entire life. She hurt my son, making him think he was a bad person. It was his twelfth birthday, a fact she knew. And yet, rather than give us an opportunity to help him with the dog, she just decided we couldn't handle the animal. My son spent the whole car ride home weeping that he had hurt the puppy, that he didn't deserve a dog, and that he had made us lose Max.
I could have killed the woman. That is not an exaggeration. I think at that moment, I really could have. I have never felt anything like that before, so cold and irrational. I held it together for my son; I didn't want him to see me lose control in anger at another person. But oh my god it was hard, maybe the hardest thing I have ever done.
I am calmer now, but not by much. We will get another dog, I am sure. And my son will love the new pup, and get over his disappointment eventually. But I would do anything to erase the hurt he felt, anything.
Monday, July 10, 2006
something new vs something different
I rolled out two new systems to my users at the end of last week. The new hires picked up everything with little effort, because they were learning something new. The old timers struggled because they have to learn different ways of doing something they already know.
This is where I made my discovery: it is much easier to learn somthing new than something different. It probably has something to do with habit. Once something is ingrained, you have to unlearn before you can learn.
This is where I made my discovery: it is much easier to learn somthing new than something different. It probably has something to do with habit. Once something is ingrained, you have to unlearn before you can learn.
Monday, July 03, 2006
friends
A friend recently sent me a link to an article about friendship, or more accurately, about the lack of it. Fewer people are reporting that they have friends, and the folks that do have friends have fewer of them.
Research done by Professor Lynn Smith-Lovin, of Duke University documents this trend. Oddly, at least from my perspective, is that the poorer you are, and the less education you have, the fewer close friends you have. I would have thought that friendship was one of the few things impervious to class distinctions.
I find the trend disturbing. I value my friendships, and really couldn't imagine a life with no one to turn to in times of happiness and sadness. How could you make yourself go through the day?
The world is getting smaller. With the internet and email, it's easier to keep in touch, easier to "meet" people from all over the globe -- you no longer have to have something in common with the folks on your street or at your work -- you can find like minded folks anywhere on earth. You can be the biggest oddball in your town, and guaranteed, you could find a dozen folks just like you on-line.
Is it that people just don't care to make friends any more? Do we not want connections? I find it hard to believe. Maybe we just don't know how to meet people, how to form friendships. Maybe we need to start emphasizing "social skills" when teaching children.
Per usual, I have no answers, just questions. But if you are a friend, and you are reading this, I love you, I appreciate you, and I'm here, whenever.
Research done by Professor Lynn Smith-Lovin, of Duke University documents this trend. Oddly, at least from my perspective, is that the poorer you are, and the less education you have, the fewer close friends you have. I would have thought that friendship was one of the few things impervious to class distinctions.
I find the trend disturbing. I value my friendships, and really couldn't imagine a life with no one to turn to in times of happiness and sadness. How could you make yourself go through the day?
The world is getting smaller. With the internet and email, it's easier to keep in touch, easier to "meet" people from all over the globe -- you no longer have to have something in common with the folks on your street or at your work -- you can find like minded folks anywhere on earth. You can be the biggest oddball in your town, and guaranteed, you could find a dozen folks just like you on-line.
Is it that people just don't care to make friends any more? Do we not want connections? I find it hard to believe. Maybe we just don't know how to meet people, how to form friendships. Maybe we need to start emphasizing "social skills" when teaching children.
Per usual, I have no answers, just questions. But if you are a friend, and you are reading this, I love you, I appreciate you, and I'm here, whenever.
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